Who says Cupid doesn't watch AI? In the show's final moments, we got Cavett (aka: Sparkles) and her beau Darold. Hailing from Compton, they faced the judges with stomach rolls and grillz. They didn't make it Hollywood, but I haven't seen that much affection since the Reuben/Clay finale.
And the show ended with Eric Mueller, who sang off-key in a manner that wasn't especially memorable. But for some reason, Simon was intent on chasing him down after the botched audition to ask him about some "Learn to Sing Like a Star" video. That was followed by the inevitable judge banter, also known as filler material.
With that, we left Los Angeles. It's unclear how much talent the city actually yielded, but I'm looking forward to seeing some of these contestants in Hollywood.
Send me your thoughts. In the meantime, I'm off to find my own Compton-raised Darold. Just call me Sparkles.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
mommy dearest
Need to cure your mommy issues? Turn into Taylor Hicks.
That seems to be the advice of Phuong, who became a female Soul Patrol crusader after her mother told her she wasn't hot enough to be on TV. Looks, however, were the least of her troubles in Los Angeles, as her off-key voice was paired with some spastic dancing too intense for even Gray Charles himself.
She got the boot, but apparently mended ties with her mom during her exit interview. Thanks, Seacrest.
But there are some hopefuls likely to follow in Taylor's footsteps, like Brandon Rogers, who's sang backup for stars like Anastasia and Christina Aguilera. Also earning a "yes" was Brian Miller, who was eliminated during last season's Hollywood phase.
Earning the "I wish he could go to Hollywood" award was without a doubt 64-year-old Sherman Pore. Yeah, yeah...I know what you're thinking...creepy old guy who won't win. OK, make that creepy old guy who won't win BUT has a killer sob story.
He approached the judges with a petition, spoke of his wife's encouragement...and then told the judges she died shortly before his audition. Sure, he didn't get to Hollywood, but he earned kind words from all the judges. Even Simon.
Maybe the Tin Man has a heart after all. When can we watch "Beaches" together??
That seems to be the advice of Phuong, who became a female Soul Patrol crusader after her mother told her she wasn't hot enough to be on TV. Looks, however, were the least of her troubles in Los Angeles, as her off-key voice was paired with some spastic dancing too intense for even Gray Charles himself.
She got the boot, but apparently mended ties with her mom during her exit interview. Thanks, Seacrest.
But there are some hopefuls likely to follow in Taylor's footsteps, like Brandon Rogers, who's sang backup for stars like Anastasia and Christina Aguilera. Also earning a "yes" was Brian Miller, who was eliminated during last season's Hollywood phase.
Earning the "I wish he could go to Hollywood" award was without a doubt 64-year-old Sherman Pore. Yeah, yeah...I know what you're thinking...creepy old guy who won't win. OK, make that creepy old guy who won't win BUT has a killer sob story.
He approached the judges with a petition, spoke of his wife's encouragement...and then told the judges she died shortly before his audition. Sure, he didn't get to Hollywood, but he earned kind words from all the judges. Even Simon.
Maybe the Tin Man has a heart after all. When can we watch "Beaches" together??
audition lovin'
If you're hopelessly devoted to bad singing...and you're dealing with a compressed time frame, congratulations.
Tonight we're treated to another hour-long AI episode. In Los Angeles. With Olivia Newton-John as a guest judge. Does life get any better?
Maybe so, especially if you're the "most exciting entertainer on planet Earth." That's what auditioner Martik calls himself...that and a panther. He approached the judges with a full-fledged feline routine, complete with a scratch mark tattoo on his bare chest and an inexplicable mark on his chin. He got canned, but left us all something to meow about.
I wish I could saw the same for Sholandric, who vowed to "bring the love back" to AI, but sang a horrible rendition of "If Ever You're in My Arms Again." So much for giving us a new Julio Iglesias. I think I'll stick with Charo.
Of course, we've had the inevitable loser standouts...like Grace Pugal, who auditioned with some inflatable bull device. And Sophat, who was dressed as a giant banana. Most memorable in the loser pool so far is Marianna Riccio, though. I was primed for greatness when I first saw her, especially since her mom was allegedly one of Dean Martin's gold diggers. Or something.
But she totally failed to wow the judges, offering perhaps the must straightforward answer to "Should I Stay or Should I Go" ever. The rebound attempt -- kneeling down, bringing her mother in and everything -- failed, but her mom did get the "wow" from Simon. And Randy.
It's not all about the thumbs-down, however. Hollywood now has Alaina Alexander, who was on the verge of giving up her dream and -- gasp -- going to school. Fortunately, she won't have to worry about that...at least temporarily.
She's headed for the school of rock.
Tonight we're treated to another hour-long AI episode. In Los Angeles. With Olivia Newton-John as a guest judge. Does life get any better?
Maybe so, especially if you're the "most exciting entertainer on planet Earth." That's what auditioner Martik calls himself...that and a panther. He approached the judges with a full-fledged feline routine, complete with a scratch mark tattoo on his bare chest and an inexplicable mark on his chin. He got canned, but left us all something to meow about.
I wish I could saw the same for Sholandric, who vowed to "bring the love back" to AI, but sang a horrible rendition of "If Ever You're in My Arms Again." So much for giving us a new Julio Iglesias. I think I'll stick with Charo.
Of course, we've had the inevitable loser standouts...like Grace Pugal, who auditioned with some inflatable bull device. And Sophat, who was dressed as a giant banana. Most memorable in the loser pool so far is Marianna Riccio, though. I was primed for greatness when I first saw her, especially since her mom was allegedly one of Dean Martin's gold diggers. Or something.
But she totally failed to wow the judges, offering perhaps the must straightforward answer to "Should I Stay or Should I Go" ever. The rebound attempt -- kneeling down, bringing her mother in and everything -- failed, but her mom did get the "wow" from Simon. And Randy.
It's not all about the thumbs-down, however. Hollywood now has Alaina Alexander, who was on the verge of giving up her dream and -- gasp -- going to school. Fortunately, she won't have to worry about that...at least temporarily.
She's headed for the school of rock.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
b-ham blues
So it's 9 p.m., and the show's over. I don't even know why. We don't even have another State of the Union to look forward to.
Birmingham is the city that's so far produced the most idols, which makes me wonder why we only got an hour of footage tonight. Maybe I'm just upset I didn't catch Columbus' Devin Johnson, but I think tonight's episode wasn't too much out of the ordinary.
What did you think? Did we just get selective editing, or has Birmingham lost its role as an Idol mecca?
Tomorrow, though, we get Los Angeles. The city of angels, hopefully not all of whom sing on key.
Birmingham is the city that's so far produced the most idols, which makes me wonder why we only got an hour of footage tonight. Maybe I'm just upset I didn't catch Columbus' Devin Johnson, but I think tonight's episode wasn't too much out of the ordinary.
What did you think? Did we just get selective editing, or has Birmingham lost its role as an Idol mecca?
Tomorrow, though, we get Los Angeles. The city of angels, hopefully not all of whom sing on key.
go team go
It's good that we got floor-length hair, though, because the rest of tonight's show left a lot to be desired. Oh, but I did just remember that some of my viewing partners want to have a massive lovefest with Chris Sligh (aka: Jack Osbourne), so that's cool.
I think things culminated in the inevitable "Sweet Home Alabama" montage, or maybe Paula's unprompted absence, which was supposedly due to a "family obligation." Insert your own joke here. Please.
We also saw "Team Nichole," who rooted for a denim-clad contestant who was later denied by the judges. At least she took the criticism graciously, which is more than I can say for Brandy, who first blaimed her "Like a Virgin" failure on the floor. When she got the boot, she proceeded to sing again, and engage in an extended banter with both judges. They even followed her out of the room to no avail.
Sure, it was entertaining, but nothing like the stuff we saw in nights past. Give me some trippy opera.
I think things culminated in the inevitable "Sweet Home Alabama" montage, or maybe Paula's unprompted absence, which was supposedly due to a "family obligation." Insert your own joke here. Please.
We also saw "Team Nichole," who rooted for a denim-clad contestant who was later denied by the judges. At least she took the criticism graciously, which is more than I can say for Brandy, who first blaimed her "Like a Virgin" failure on the floor. When she got the boot, she proceeded to sing again, and engage in an extended banter with both judges. They even followed her out of the room to no avail.
Sure, it was entertaining, but nothing like the stuff we saw in nights past. Give me some trippy opera.
go team go
It's good that we got floor-length hair, though, because the rest of tonight's show left a lot to be desired. Oh, but I did just remember that some of my viewing partners want to have a massive lovefest with Chris Sligh (aka: Jack Osbourne), so that's cool.
I think things culminated in the inevitable "Sweet Home Alabama" montage, or maybe Paula's unprompted absence, which was supposedly due to a "family obligation." Insert your own joke here. Please.
We also saw "Team Nichole," who rooted for a denim-clad contestant who was later denied by the judges. At least she took the criticism graciously, which is more than I can say for Brandy, who first blaimed her "Like a Virgin" failure on the floor. When she got the boot, she proceeded to sing again, and engage in an extended banter with both judges. They even followed her out of the room to no avail.
Sure, it was entertaining, but nothing like the stuff we saw in nights past. Give me some trippy opera.
I think things culminated in the inevitable "Sweet Home Alabama" montage, or maybe Paula's unprompted absence, which was supposedly due to a "family obligation." Insert your own joke here. Please.
We also saw "Team Nichole," who rooted for a denim-clad contestant who was later denied by the judges. At least she took the criticism graciously, which is more than I can say for Brandy, who first blaimed her "Like a Virgin" failure on the floor. When she got the boot, she proceeded to sing again, and engage in an extended banter with both judges. They even followed her out of the room to no avail.
Sure, it was entertaining, but nothing like the stuff we saw in nights past. Give me some trippy opera.
bring it for baywatch
But maybe I'm letting this influx of agelessness cloud my judgment. Don't get me wrong...tonight has had its successes.
We saw hopefuls like 17-year-old Tatiana of Atlanta make it to Hollywood, as well as Bernard Williams, who got the OK even after Paula blatantly defied Simon's comments. I think we know who was in the right.
What's up with all of this season's vocal replicas, though? I'll use Hollywood hopeful Jamie Lynn Ward as Exhibit A. Did we really need another Kellie Pickler? I picked Pickler with the rest of 'em, but Jamie Lynn's sob story was just one step too far. Get this, she lives with her grandma because her dad's paralyzed. And WHY is her dad paralyzed? Because he shot himself after catching his ex-wife cheating. Or something like that.
But look forward to another season of calamari jokes. Jamie Lynn made it through.
They're not all imitations, though. OK, wait. They're not all imitations of former AI contestants. Take Chris Sligh, who approached the judges looking very much like Jack Osbourne. Anyway, he said he wanted to become the next Idol "to make David Hasselhoff cry" like he did when Taylor won the competition.
Um, those were tears of jealousy, not happiness.
At any rate, Chris performed a pretty stellar version of "Kiss from a Rose," and earned the stamp of approval from all three judges. Then, in his confessional, he told producers that he had Paula in his "chubby little hands." Which means they were laced with ecstasy.
Cool.
But the night wasn't entirely about Osbourne-inspired enthusiasm, as we also saw Victoria Watson, who auditioned with floor-length hair...just like her mother. Yet her take on Josh Groban wasn't good enough.
Don't hate me...I have to say it.
Hair today, gone tomorrow.
We saw hopefuls like 17-year-old Tatiana of Atlanta make it to Hollywood, as well as Bernard Williams, who got the OK even after Paula blatantly defied Simon's comments. I think we know who was in the right.
What's up with all of this season's vocal replicas, though? I'll use Hollywood hopeful Jamie Lynn Ward as Exhibit A. Did we really need another Kellie Pickler? I picked Pickler with the rest of 'em, but Jamie Lynn's sob story was just one step too far. Get this, she lives with her grandma because her dad's paralyzed. And WHY is her dad paralyzed? Because he shot himself after catching his ex-wife cheating. Or something like that.
But look forward to another season of calamari jokes. Jamie Lynn made it through.
They're not all imitations, though. OK, wait. They're not all imitations of former AI contestants. Take Chris Sligh, who approached the judges looking very much like Jack Osbourne. Anyway, he said he wanted to become the next Idol "to make David Hasselhoff cry" like he did when Taylor won the competition.
Um, those were tears of jealousy, not happiness.
At any rate, Chris performed a pretty stellar version of "Kiss from a Rose," and earned the stamp of approval from all three judges. Then, in his confessional, he told producers that he had Paula in his "chubby little hands." Which means they were laced with ecstasy.
Cool.
But the night wasn't entirely about Osbourne-inspired enthusiasm, as we also saw Victoria Watson, who auditioned with floor-length hair...just like her mother. Yet her take on Josh Groban wasn't good enough.
Don't hate me...I have to say it.
Hair today, gone tomorrow.
nothin' but a number
And I thought Taylor Hicks defied my perception of age.
I'm half an hour into the first day of Birmingham auditions, and let's just say last year's silver-haired wonder is the least of this Alabama city's concerns. Among tonight's first contestants was Katie Bernard, who talked in a baby voice but sang like she belonged in the vocal AARP. That's a compliment.
The judges were divided after her performance, with Paula forced to make the deciding vote. She made Katie pull her husband in the room, who begged Paula to say yes. Probably just because he regretted saying "I do" to a baby voice. Seriously.
But she isn't tonight's only ageless wonder.
We've also seen "Big Bird," also known as Margaret Fowler of Atlanta, who hit the auditions with a thready yellow getup complemented by massive stomach rolls. Think of what would happen if Big Bird ate Bert. And Ernie. And rubber ducky.
Anyway, wrinkles and all, she claimed to be 26...then 33...then 50.
Her half-century of wisdom was denied in the end, and we all learned that hopelessness knows no generational boundary. Among other losers, we saw steamy Erica Skye of Auburn, who was denied after Simon called her singing "never-ending torture." But at least she gave Simon some eye candy, which is more than I can say of Diana Walker, who approached the panel with a less-than-stellar physique, unitard and aMichael Jackson glove.
The judges' reaction to her take on Whitney Houston? Two words: beat it.
I'm half an hour into the first day of Birmingham auditions, and let's just say last year's silver-haired wonder is the least of this Alabama city's concerns. Among tonight's first contestants was Katie Bernard, who talked in a baby voice but sang like she belonged in the vocal AARP. That's a compliment.
The judges were divided after her performance, with Paula forced to make the deciding vote. She made Katie pull her husband in the room, who begged Paula to say yes. Probably just because he regretted saying "I do" to a baby voice. Seriously.
But she isn't tonight's only ageless wonder.
We've also seen "Big Bird," also known as Margaret Fowler of Atlanta, who hit the auditions with a thready yellow getup complemented by massive stomach rolls. Think of what would happen if Big Bird ate Bert. And Ernie. And rubber ducky.
Anyway, wrinkles and all, she claimed to be 26...then 33...then 50.
Her half-century of wisdom was denied in the end, and we all learned that hopelessness knows no generational boundary. Among other losers, we saw steamy Erica Skye of Auburn, who was denied after Simon called her singing "never-ending torture." But at least she gave Simon some eye candy, which is more than I can say of Diana Walker, who approached the panel with a less-than-stellar physique, unitard and aMichael Jackson glove.
The judges' reaction to her take on Whitney Houston? Two words: beat it.
alabama jammers
It's as close as most of us will get to having Paula Abdul in our backyard.
AI auditions come to Birmingham tonight, and I'll be waiting with anticipation for a "Sweet Home Alabama" loser montage. But that's not the only reason Columbus residents should watch the two-hour episode.
Yesterday, I wrote this article about Devin Johnson, a local teen who tried out for AI's sixth season in Birmingham after advancing to the Hollywood group phase last season.
He didn't get another Hollywood nod, but he came away with some pretty good dirt on the show's mechanics. Check it out.
And there's a chance they might air some of his audition footage tonight. So don't blink, no matter how tired you are of bad renditions of "Sweet Home Alabama."
As usual, I'll be updating this blog live throughout the show.
AI auditions come to Birmingham tonight, and I'll be waiting with anticipation for a "Sweet Home Alabama" loser montage. But that's not the only reason Columbus residents should watch the two-hour episode.
Yesterday, I wrote this article about Devin Johnson, a local teen who tried out for AI's sixth season in Birmingham after advancing to the Hollywood group phase last season.
He didn't get another Hollywood nod, but he came away with some pretty good dirt on the show's mechanics. Check it out.
And there's a chance they might air some of his audition footage tonight. So don't blink, no matter how tired you are of bad renditions of "Sweet Home Alabama."
As usual, I'll be updating this blog live throughout the show.
Friday, January 26, 2007
idle credibility?
Conspiracy theorists, rejoice.
Two weeks into its sixth season, AI is already generating questions about the validity of audition clips aired in recent weeks. The most recent attempt to "expose" the reality TV show comes from Memphis auditioner Wandera Hitchye, 23.
Last week, we saw a mullet-clad Hitchye get the thumbs-down after a version of a soulful classic that judges essentially dubbed average. Then we saw Hitchye yell at the show's cameras in anger.
At least that's what we thought we saw.
In this article, Hitchye says she auditioned only in front of the show's producer, and never made it to the Paula/Randy/Simon round. The TV clip, therefore, was edited to give viewers the impression Hitchye was standing in front of the panel -- and receiving real comments from the trifecta.
Is it true? Maybe. I'm still looking for any kind of statement from the AI producers refuting this Hollywood hopeful's claims.
But even so...I don't know if this does anything to dampen my overall appreciation for AI. Even if they're grounded in fact, these accusations are nothing new. In fact, every reality show has had its Hitchyes...contestants who sign a waiver and complain about supposedly unjustified editing later.
Is this anything we haven't expected out of seasons past? Is it enough to make anyone stop watching?
Two weeks into its sixth season, AI is already generating questions about the validity of audition clips aired in recent weeks. The most recent attempt to "expose" the reality TV show comes from Memphis auditioner Wandera Hitchye, 23.
Last week, we saw a mullet-clad Hitchye get the thumbs-down after a version of a soulful classic that judges essentially dubbed average. Then we saw Hitchye yell at the show's cameras in anger.
At least that's what we thought we saw.
In this article, Hitchye says she auditioned only in front of the show's producer, and never made it to the Paula/Randy/Simon round. The TV clip, therefore, was edited to give viewers the impression Hitchye was standing in front of the panel -- and receiving real comments from the trifecta.
Is it true? Maybe. I'm still looking for any kind of statement from the AI producers refuting this Hollywood hopeful's claims.
But even so...I don't know if this does anything to dampen my overall appreciation for AI. Even if they're grounded in fact, these accusations are nothing new. In fact, every reality show has had its Hitchyes...contestants who sign a waiver and complain about supposedly unjustified editing later.
Is this anything we haven't expected out of seasons past? Is it enough to make anyone stop watching?
Thursday, January 25, 2007
bff?
Turns out Wednesday night's materialistic twosome might not be that distant from their "Simple Life" role models after all.
Remember New Jersey-based Amanda Coluccio and Antonella Barba, the materialistic best friends who both earned a trip to Hollywood after auditioning in New York?
Well, I found their MySpace accounts this afternoon, and as far as I can tell, they're not listed as friends on each other's pages. Sure, maybe MySpace isn't the most fail-safe indicator of reality, but let's give it the benefit of the doubt for a second.
In that case, it's hard not to wonder what happened beach-lovin bffs we saw on TV.
Was it simply another AI scenario orchestrated for ratings? Or, did Hollywood's pressure really take its toll? Did Antonella finally take Simon's advice to kick Amanda when she's down?
Weigh in with all your Paris and Nicole-inspired insights.
Remember New Jersey-based Amanda Coluccio and Antonella Barba, the materialistic best friends who both earned a trip to Hollywood after auditioning in New York?
Well, I found their MySpace accounts this afternoon, and as far as I can tell, they're not listed as friends on each other's pages. Sure, maybe MySpace isn't the most fail-safe indicator of reality, but let's give it the benefit of the doubt for a second.
In that case, it's hard not to wonder what happened beach-lovin bffs we saw on TV.
Was it simply another AI scenario orchestrated for ratings? Or, did Hollywood's pressure really take its toll? Did Antonella finally take Simon's advice to kick Amanda when she's down?
Weigh in with all your Paris and Nicole-inspired insights.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
paula's competition
Two ecstacy-filled hours later, we're out of the Big Apple, but only after watching one last loser.
And speaking of ecstacy, our last Hollywood hopeful was Isadora, who entertained -- OK, not really -- judges with an incoherent drug-inspired medley of "Lady Marmalade" and "Piece of My Heart." So we didn't get another next-round entrant...but we finally found someone who's on more drugs than Paula. Imagine that.
With that, tonight's a wrap. Send me your insights and get ready for Birmingham next week.
And speaking of ecstacy, our last Hollywood hopeful was Isadora, who entertained -- OK, not really -- judges with an incoherent drug-inspired medley of "Lady Marmalade" and "Piece of My Heart." So we didn't get another next-round entrant...but we finally found someone who's on more drugs than Paula. Imagine that.
With that, tonight's a wrap. Send me your insights and get ready for Birmingham next week.
beauties and buttercups
He may have had gastric bypass surgery, but let's just say Randy Jackson hasn't entirely curbed his culinary addiction. Especially since he said of a Hollywood hopeful's voice, "Let it marinade."
That comment was directed to Virginia's Christopher, who made it to Hollywood with his take on a Leon Russell classic. In spite of the judges' rave reviews -- and thumbs-up for Hollywood -- I was more wowed by the three hot female groupies who bombarded him on his way out the door.
And who says quitters don't win? We saw the return of Nicholas, who cracked under the pressure and withdrew in a former AI Hollywood round because he couldn't learn the words to "Build Me Up Buttercup." But this time, his version of "Fly Me to the Moon" fared much better.
He'll be heading back to Hollywood once again, this time hopefully with a tighter memory. Or at least a full set of lyrics written on his palm.
That comment was directed to Virginia's Christopher, who made it to Hollywood with his take on a Leon Russell classic. In spite of the judges' rave reviews -- and thumbs-up for Hollywood -- I was more wowed by the three hot female groupies who bombarded him on his way out the door.
And who says quitters don't win? We saw the return of Nicholas, who cracked under the pressure and withdrew in a former AI Hollywood round because he couldn't learn the words to "Build Me Up Buttercup." But this time, his version of "Fly Me to the Moon" fared much better.
He'll be heading back to Hollywood once again, this time hopefully with a tighter memory. Or at least a full set of lyrics written on his palm.
wham, that's good
Simon's back. The universe's order is restored.
His first audition was easy, a hottie named Jory who I'd love to see in the finals, especially since she's for some unexplicable reason hung out with the Queen of England. Then we got a female version of Rocky, complete with her own power sequence montage...hooded sweatshirt and all. She made it through, and I'm already looking forward to some eye of the tiger in Hollywood. Seriously.
Break for a power sequence marked by mispronounced names. It was fairly uneventful, except for the blond-haired guest judge who unexpectedly entered the picture. Did anyone else notice this?
More importantly, tonight also marked the first beatdown between Paula and Simon, as they fought over criticism of George Michael look-alike Christopher, who offered his take on Kelly Clarkson's "Before Your Love." Simon's response? "You should be singing in stilettos and a dress." Paula thought it was too harsh, but still canned him.
Don't give up, Christopher. You've gotta have faith.
Enjoying more success was opera singer Rachel, in spite of her white jeans and tie-dyed top. She should be interesting in Hollywood, though. Especially if we get a Steppenwolf-themed week.
His first audition was easy, a hottie named Jory who I'd love to see in the finals, especially since she's for some unexplicable reason hung out with the Queen of England. Then we got a female version of Rocky, complete with her own power sequence montage...hooded sweatshirt and all. She made it through, and I'm already looking forward to some eye of the tiger in Hollywood. Seriously.
Break for a power sequence marked by mispronounced names. It was fairly uneventful, except for the blond-haired guest judge who unexpectedly entered the picture. Did anyone else notice this?
More importantly, tonight also marked the first beatdown between Paula and Simon, as they fought over criticism of George Michael look-alike Christopher, who offered his take on Kelly Clarkson's "Before Your Love." Simon's response? "You should be singing in stilettos and a dress." Paula thought it was too harsh, but still canned him.
Don't give up, Christopher. You've gotta have faith.
Enjoying more success was opera singer Rachel, in spite of her white jeans and tie-dyed top. She should be interesting in Hollywood, though. Especially if we get a Steppenwolf-themed week.
singing is secondary
Day one ended on a good note -- literally -- when a female entrant made it to Hollywood, although we also got Clifton, a harmonica-playing quasi-nerd who botched his take on ZZ Top. And didn't even have the courage to flaunt a gnarly beard while doing it.
The second day started sans Cowell, who was ambiguously MIA. No word on Amanda and Antonella's whereabouts, either. Draw your own conclusions.
Tyrese look-alike Jenry made it through to Hollywood immediately, but then we were graced by the presence of female losers Sarah Goldberg and Nakia. Overweight Nakia slaughtered both "Dancin' in the Steets" and "Dreaming of You," and then hit the cameras with a psycho speech during which she vowed, "I just wish I could change their mind...You just get tired of hearing no."
Especially when you request a to-go box at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
But her follower, Sarah Goldberg, was even worse. But at least she took off her red cowboy hat before butchering Selena. The elimination, however, was especially bizarre, as she claimed, "Even if I don't sing, I can be the next American Idol." While persuasive, the argument didn't work. Didn't Sarah know we already have a non-singing Idol?
Two words: Ruben Studdard.
The second day started sans Cowell, who was ambiguously MIA. No word on Amanda and Antonella's whereabouts, either. Draw your own conclusions.
Tyrese look-alike Jenry made it through to Hollywood immediately, but then we were graced by the presence of female losers Sarah Goldberg and Nakia. Overweight Nakia slaughtered both "Dancin' in the Steets" and "Dreaming of You," and then hit the cameras with a psycho speech during which she vowed, "I just wish I could change their mind...You just get tired of hearing no."
Especially when you request a to-go box at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
But her follower, Sarah Goldberg, was even worse. But at least she took off her red cowboy hat before butchering Selena. The elimination, however, was especially bizarre, as she claimed, "Even if I don't sing, I can be the next American Idol." While persuasive, the argument didn't work. Didn't Sarah know we already have a non-singing Idol?
Two words: Ruben Studdard.
friends earn benefits
So I thought guest judges' lack of ethos reached a new low with Jewel's Alaskan upbringing. That was, of course, until I saw tonight's cameo...face lift-ridden Carol, who in addition to allegedly writing a whole bunch of songs, was once married to Burt Bacharach.
She was also a likely indicator of how Paula will look on Season 11. Just a thought.
NY is where AI found last season's Constantine, and tonight's auditions continued with an equally Greek, yet significantly less talented female hopeful who was quickly canned by the judges. But let's just say her decision to sing Toto's "Africa" hardly went unnoticed.
We also got Ashanti, who was returning to the competition after prior AI failures. She got the thumbs-down once again, but delivered a pricelessly emotional "what were you thinking?" monologue after her booting. And who says untrained, painfully exaggerated acting isn't vital to AI stardom?
Four words: From Justin to Kelly.
But the show's highlight so far has without a doubt been best friends Amanda and Antonella, who inevitably generated all sorts of fantasies among a fanbase previously resigned to Frenchie Davis dreams. A blond and a brunette, they got their own pre-audition segment showcasing their love of shopping and hanging out at the beach.
Blame it on advanced familiarity with beach volleyball, but both girls made it through to Hollywood. Not, of course, without the inevitable drama. In spite of her vocal training -- and advantage she held over her friend -- the blond's audition was the less stellar of the two.
The brunette's attempts to stand up for her friend earned a "when someone's down, kick them" from Simon, a comment she quickly refuted.
We'll see what happens when we get to Hollywood, though. Look at what happened to Seacrest and Dunkleman.
She was also a likely indicator of how Paula will look on Season 11. Just a thought.
NY is where AI found last season's Constantine, and tonight's auditions continued with an equally Greek, yet significantly less talented female hopeful who was quickly canned by the judges. But let's just say her decision to sing Toto's "Africa" hardly went unnoticed.
We also got Ashanti, who was returning to the competition after prior AI failures. She got the thumbs-down once again, but delivered a pricelessly emotional "what were you thinking?" monologue after her booting. And who says untrained, painfully exaggerated acting isn't vital to AI stardom?
Four words: From Justin to Kelly.
But the show's highlight so far has without a doubt been best friends Amanda and Antonella, who inevitably generated all sorts of fantasies among a fanbase previously resigned to Frenchie Davis dreams. A blond and a brunette, they got their own pre-audition segment showcasing their love of shopping and hanging out at the beach.
Blame it on advanced familiarity with beach volleyball, but both girls made it through to Hollywood. Not, of course, without the inevitable drama. In spite of her vocal training -- and advantage she held over her friend -- the blond's audition was the less stellar of the two.
The brunette's attempts to stand up for her friend earned a "when someone's down, kick them" from Simon, a comment she quickly refuted.
We'll see what happens when we get to Hollywood, though. Look at what happened to Seacrest and Dunkleman.
dodos and daddies
Forget visions of MTV personalities. And Letterman. Even 9-11 heroes. We're 15 minutes into tonight's episode of AI, and I've already learned the "ultimate New Yorker" is Ian Benardo. Maybe just because he prefaced his audition with champion slam that included a bold "Carrie under where?"
With a failed "So You Think You Can Dance" audition under his (chinchilla) belt, he boasted an "already long impressive resume" and, in telling judges why he should be the next Idol he proudly vowed, "You can asked one of my therapists."
Still, he managed to botch his take on "Gloria," and -- for perhaps the first time this season -- I was confident to say Paula wasn't the only one hearing voices in her head.
Ian and all his fabulousness was canned, but we got some of the most priceless retorts of the season. My favorite was when the chinchilla-clad diva eyed the judgment room and said, "The dodo bird is not extinct. It's in there."
And I thought bush babies were the only non-human creatures allowed on AI.
After Ian, we got Ohio's 19-year-old Sarah, who lied to her parents to try out. Once I got past the fact that she probably once shared rhinoplasty tales with Michael Jackson, I started to like her...even in spite of her repeated insistence that she never lives up to her father's expectations.
Skipping town to hang out with the likes of Ryan Seacrest, I'm sure, does a lot to help that situation.
Nonethless, her version of "Call Me" was enough to make it to Hollywood...and we even got to watch a very rehearsed call to her dad confessing that she lied, but she's en route to the next round.
It went well, but even if things fell through, I wouldn't be concerned. With this season's prevalence of Taylor Hicks look-alikes, she'd have no difficulty finding a father figure.
With a failed "So You Think You Can Dance" audition under his (chinchilla) belt, he boasted an "already long impressive resume" and, in telling judges why he should be the next Idol he proudly vowed, "You can asked one of my therapists."
Still, he managed to botch his take on "Gloria," and -- for perhaps the first time this season -- I was confident to say Paula wasn't the only one hearing voices in her head.
Ian and all his fabulousness was canned, but we got some of the most priceless retorts of the season. My favorite was when the chinchilla-clad diva eyed the judgment room and said, "The dodo bird is not extinct. It's in there."
And I thought bush babies were the only non-human creatures allowed on AI.
After Ian, we got Ohio's 19-year-old Sarah, who lied to her parents to try out. Once I got past the fact that she probably once shared rhinoplasty tales with Michael Jackson, I started to like her...even in spite of her repeated insistence that she never lives up to her father's expectations.
Skipping town to hang out with the likes of Ryan Seacrest, I'm sure, does a lot to help that situation.
Nonethless, her version of "Call Me" was enough to make it to Hollywood...and we even got to watch a very rehearsed call to her dad confessing that she lied, but she's en route to the next round.
It went well, but even if things fell through, I wouldn't be concerned. With this season's prevalence of Taylor Hicks look-alikes, she'd have no difficulty finding a father figure.
if i can make it there...
So "Idol" is back tonight in all its Coke-clogged, Ford-milked glory. Tuesday, we were treated to a condensed episode courtesy of the State of the Union.
Translation? Fewer losers, fewer personal stories and, most importantly, fewer shots of Seacrest.
But that won't be the case tonight, as we get a two-hour episode of auditions in New York. It's a place almost instantaneously associated with stardom, and I hope tonight's contenders meet my expections.
Check for the live dish during the show, and weigh in with your comments.
Translation? Fewer losers, fewer personal stories and, most importantly, fewer shots of Seacrest.
But that won't be the case tonight, as we get a two-hour episode of auditions in New York. It's a place almost instantaneously associated with stardom, and I hope tonight's contenders meet my expections.
Check for the live dish during the show, and weigh in with your comments.
think paula's a prophet?
Still riding on the high you got after watching Clay Aiken tackle "Bridge Over Troubled Water"? Is your soul-searching epithany printable?
If so, you're in luck. In a desperate, pathetic, craving-for-attention kind of way. The folks over at Chicken Soup for the Soul are calling for entries in their "Chicken Soup for the American Idol Lover's Soul."
In spite of AI's widespread popularity, this seems a step too far. In fact, the unprecedented high ratings during this season's auditions seem to suggest that if anything, "Idol" is a show grounded in cruelty, not inspiration.
Throughout junior high, I thrived on the Chicken Soup series, devoting late nights to tears from stories of seemingly impossible reunions, lost love and legless midgets attempting to climb Everest.
Putting Paula Abdul in that realm just sounds weird.
At the same time, though, it doesn't take a genius to see AI's cultural impact. In fact, maybe the upcoming title is merely a reflection of the show's integration not only in the recording industry, but in interactions outside television.
In fact, who am I to talk? I remember falling in love with a guy just because he told me he dreamed of us spending long nights watching "Idol" together.
The realtionship failed, but I still have a pretty inspirational story. Which is more than Ruben Studdard got out of his recording career.
Let me know how "Idol" calmed your soul.
If so, you're in luck. In a desperate, pathetic, craving-for-attention kind of way. The folks over at Chicken Soup for the Soul are calling for entries in their "Chicken Soup for the American Idol Lover's Soul."
In spite of AI's widespread popularity, this seems a step too far. In fact, the unprecedented high ratings during this season's auditions seem to suggest that if anything, "Idol" is a show grounded in cruelty, not inspiration.
Throughout junior high, I thrived on the Chicken Soup series, devoting late nights to tears from stories of seemingly impossible reunions, lost love and legless midgets attempting to climb Everest.
Putting Paula Abdul in that realm just sounds weird.
At the same time, though, it doesn't take a genius to see AI's cultural impact. In fact, maybe the upcoming title is merely a reflection of the show's integration not only in the recording industry, but in interactions outside television.
In fact, who am I to talk? I remember falling in love with a guy just because he told me he dreamed of us spending long nights watching "Idol" together.
The realtionship failed, but I still have a pretty inspirational story. Which is more than Ruben Studdard got out of his recording career.
Let me know how "Idol" calmed your soul.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
long live the king
So the Memphis auditions have ended, in an especially condensed hour-long episode due to tonight's State of the Union. No, FOX viewers, we're not getting an update from last season's winner Taylor Hicks. There's a president out there...one who likely didn't get as many votes as Carrie Underwood.
The remainder of the episode was relatively uneventful, featuring the inevitable loser montage set against the backdrop of auditioners singing Elvis' "Burning Love." Chief of whom was Robert, who failed miserably.
We did, however, see two more hopefuls make it to Hollywood, including backup singer Melinda Doolittle. In spite of her nerves, Simon said she was within the top 2 percent of this season's auditions. We'll see how things pan out later.
More colorful was Philip, who missed the birth of his second daughter to try out. He initially planned to sing "Let's Get it On" -- because, he claimed, it was the last thing his wife would want to do at the moment -- but later switched to "My Girl." It paid off, although judges told him he doesn't start his songs well.
Even more significant was the fact that we got a close-up on Philip's new daughter at the end of the show, adding a whole new dimension to the show's sappy stories.
Truthfulness.
In the end, 22 Memphis singers made it on to the next round, and I'm signing off fairly relieved that we operated on a shorter time frame. So...given the extra hour you have on your hands...drop me a note and let me know what you thought.
And start spreading the news...the show heads to New York tomorrow.
The remainder of the episode was relatively uneventful, featuring the inevitable loser montage set against the backdrop of auditioners singing Elvis' "Burning Love." Chief of whom was Robert, who failed miserably.
We did, however, see two more hopefuls make it to Hollywood, including backup singer Melinda Doolittle. In spite of her nerves, Simon said she was within the top 2 percent of this season's auditions. We'll see how things pan out later.
More colorful was Philip, who missed the birth of his second daughter to try out. He initially planned to sing "Let's Get it On" -- because, he claimed, it was the last thing his wife would want to do at the moment -- but later switched to "My Girl." It paid off, although judges told him he doesn't start his songs well.
Even more significant was the fact that we got a close-up on Philip's new daughter at the end of the show, adding a whole new dimension to the show's sappy stories.
Truthfulness.
In the end, 22 Memphis singers made it on to the next round, and I'm signing off fairly relieved that we operated on a shorter time frame. So...given the extra hour you have on your hands...drop me a note and let me know what you thought.
And start spreading the news...the show heads to New York tomorrow.
we be jammin'
Clearly, Paula's time in Memphis would have been incredibly different had someone uttered just two words before she flew into town: Corey Clark.
Straight up...the sole female judge needed to be much more guarded with her affections, as day two opened with a montage of her sharing hugs -- and, consequently, who knows what else -- with loads of Memphisinians. Her allure only grew as Paula-obsessed, overweight Topher took the stage.
He quickly informed us he'd just broken up with his cheating wife, whom he called a bleeped-out obscenity at the onset of his audition. Sure, it probably gave stoned Paula a temporary rush, but Topher's performance didn't do much for anyone. In fact, Simon even asked him if he sang the night before his wife left him.
Anyway, the judges let him go, but happily acknowledged his wife-directed rage. Take the acknowledgment as a compliment, they said.
Hmm...since when do compliments need clarification??
Topher left with the inevitable anger, telling the cameras he was off to become "everybody's favorite drunk uncle."
Make that everybody's favorite drunk uncle who'll soon receive a restraining order.
Then, we got Janita, a voluptious, sunglasses-clad, flesh-bearing loser. She failed to wow the judges with her rendition of "Disco Inferno," and subsequently was burnt baby, burnt, unanimously.
But all order was restored when Sean hit the stage. Interestingly enough, he's a self-professed Osama/Jesus/Fidel Castro/homeless person all in one. And even more interestingly, he only felt the need to justify the homeless person part of that equation, saying "all of us are poor inside."
Unless you're homeless, that is. Doesn't that make you poor outside? Like, literally?
Logic aside, the judges let him through, in spite of his relatively somber take on Johnny Cash. Although all three said they expected him to sing something about a revolution.
Hasn't anyone ever told them the revolution won't be televised?
Straight up...the sole female judge needed to be much more guarded with her affections, as day two opened with a montage of her sharing hugs -- and, consequently, who knows what else -- with loads of Memphisinians. Her allure only grew as Paula-obsessed, overweight Topher took the stage.
He quickly informed us he'd just broken up with his cheating wife, whom he called a bleeped-out obscenity at the onset of his audition. Sure, it probably gave stoned Paula a temporary rush, but Topher's performance didn't do much for anyone. In fact, Simon even asked him if he sang the night before his wife left him.
Anyway, the judges let him go, but happily acknowledged his wife-directed rage. Take the acknowledgment as a compliment, they said.
Hmm...since when do compliments need clarification??
Topher left with the inevitable anger, telling the cameras he was off to become "everybody's favorite drunk uncle."
Make that everybody's favorite drunk uncle who'll soon receive a restraining order.
Then, we got Janita, a voluptious, sunglasses-clad, flesh-bearing loser. She failed to wow the judges with her rendition of "Disco Inferno," and subsequently was burnt baby, burnt, unanimously.
But all order was restored when Sean hit the stage. Interestingly enough, he's a self-professed Osama/Jesus/Fidel Castro/homeless person all in one. And even more interestingly, he only felt the need to justify the homeless person part of that equation, saying "all of us are poor inside."
Unless you're homeless, that is. Doesn't that make you poor outside? Like, literally?
Logic aside, the judges let him through, in spite of his relatively somber take on Johnny Cash. Although all three said they expected him to sing something about a revolution.
Hasn't anyone ever told them the revolution won't be televised?
achy blond heart
Auditions resumed with the obligatory judge-directed rage, anchored by a mega female mullet that probably would have been a little more successful had the auditioner channeled her inner Billy Ray Cyrus. She was followed by emotion-ridden Travis, who belted out his heart and didn't even get a trippy set of tears out of Paula.
Day one concluded with Danielle McCullouch, a smokin' 18-year-old blond whose take on Aretha Franklin unexpectedly garnered harsh criticism from Randy Jackson. Still, she made it to Hollywood on votes from Simon and Paula.
Some advice? Try some Journey.
Day one concluded with Danielle McCullouch, a smokin' 18-year-old blond whose take on Aretha Franklin unexpectedly garnered harsh criticism from Randy Jackson. Still, she made it to Hollywood on votes from Simon and Paula.
Some advice? Try some Journey.
let's cheer it for the boy
Maybe Ruben Studdard isn't the epitome of "Idol" athleticism after all.
Tonight's auditions, held in Memphis, opened with Frank, a Hollywood hopeful escorted to his audition by a bunch of loud cheerleaders. His rendition of "Heard it Through the Grapevine," didn't make the cut, but Paula's trance-like reaction was priceless. Let's hope she wasn't dreaming only of her Lakers glory days.
Of course, we've already seen our fair share of losers among Memphis' 16,000 entrants, including Timika Sims. In addition to being portrayed as devoid of any personality, she entirely botched take on Ashanti. Also noteworthy was Chris Rivera, who (unsuccessfully) offered a ska rendition of a Stevie Wonder classic, not to mention big-mouthed (literally...a really big mouth) Alexis, who slaughtered some Tina Marie karaoke.
But back to the real competition...bearded Sundance Head (name jokes on hiatus until the finals) earned a unanimous Hollywood nod, but only after telling the judges he was having a great year because he: 1) got married; 2) is expecting a baby; and 3) made it to "Idol" auditions.
To which Simon coyly responded, "One out of three."
Still, his take on the blues earned rave reviews, and a trip to Hollywood. Simon even said he "blew Taylor out of the park."
Looks like we (thankfully) don't have to look forward to another version of "Do I Make You Proud."
Tonight's auditions, held in Memphis, opened with Frank, a Hollywood hopeful escorted to his audition by a bunch of loud cheerleaders. His rendition of "Heard it Through the Grapevine," didn't make the cut, but Paula's trance-like reaction was priceless. Let's hope she wasn't dreaming only of her Lakers glory days.
Of course, we've already seen our fair share of losers among Memphis' 16,000 entrants, including Timika Sims. In addition to being portrayed as devoid of any personality, she entirely botched take on Ashanti. Also noteworthy was Chris Rivera, who (unsuccessfully) offered a ska rendition of a Stevie Wonder classic, not to mention big-mouthed (literally...a really big mouth) Alexis, who slaughtered some Tina Marie karaoke.
But back to the real competition...bearded Sundance Head (name jokes on hiatus until the finals) earned a unanimous Hollywood nod, but only after telling the judges he was having a great year because he: 1) got married; 2) is expecting a baby; and 3) made it to "Idol" auditions.
To which Simon coyly responded, "One out of three."
Still, his take on the blues earned rave reviews, and a trip to Hollywood. Simon even said he "blew Taylor out of the park."
Looks like we (thankfully) don't have to look forward to another version of "Do I Make You Proud."
facing the music...again
The third installment of "Idol" auditions is fast approaching, and I'm getting ready to watch another round of hopefuls hit the stage. Tonight's one-hour episode focuses on Memphis, while the FOX reality TV show hits New York Wednesday.
In the meantime, what are your predictions for the next two installments? Are rumors of judges' unprecedented "mean streak" overblown? Is it too early to call this season's critiques overly severe?
Give me your thoughts, and check in during tonight's show for live commentary.
In the meantime, what are your predictions for the next two installments? Are rumors of judges' unprecedented "mean streak" overblown? Is it too early to call this season's critiques overly severe?
Give me your thoughts, and check in during tonight's show for live commentary.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
hurts so good?
Sure, the "Idol" ratings have already exceeded industry expectations, not to mention last year's records. But a recent comment on this blog still makes me wonder what drives the show's appeal.
Most of the "Idol" virgins who watched Tuesday's premiere with me were lost on the whole car-crash phenomenon -- so bad that it's good -- that insiders say makes the audition rounds popular. Even I am a little critical of the show's early stages, and I likely wouldn't be watching if it wasn't for this blog.
So who IS enjoying this month-long bad karaoke high? And why?
And what's up with these phenomenal ratings? If they hold, the show's sixth season could see unprecedented popularity. What, if anything, has to happen for viewers to finally become jaded?
Weigh in with your thoughts. That means you, Brian Dunkleman.
Most of the "Idol" virgins who watched Tuesday's premiere with me were lost on the whole car-crash phenomenon -- so bad that it's good -- that insiders say makes the audition rounds popular. Even I am a little critical of the show's early stages, and I likely wouldn't be watching if it wasn't for this blog.
So who IS enjoying this month-long bad karaoke high? And why?
And what's up with these phenomenal ratings? If they hold, the show's sixth season could see unprecedented popularity. What, if anything, has to happen for viewers to finally become jaded?
Weigh in with your thoughts. That means you, Brian Dunkleman.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
an escape from reality
So the Seattle auditions are finally over, and my viewing companion just wisely pointed out that tonight we learned that different isn't always better. And by "always," I mean never.
The final minutes of the show were devoted to "Red," a red-haired (imagine that) freak who treated the judges to a botched version of "Bohemian Rhapsody." Simon compared it to a song sung by a 1-year-old, and said coaching Red would be like training a "one-legged man to win the 100-meter sprint."
Red's response? "Don't sing about it, bring about it."
Trust me, Red...it's already been brought.
That's all for tonight. Can't wait until we're walking in Memphis next week.
The final minutes of the show were devoted to "Red," a red-haired (imagine that) freak who treated the judges to a botched version of "Bohemian Rhapsody." Simon compared it to a song sung by a 1-year-old, and said coaching Red would be like training a "one-legged man to win the 100-meter sprint."
Red's response? "Don't sing about it, bring about it."
Trust me, Red...it's already been brought.
That's all for tonight. Can't wait until we're walking in Memphis next week.
size matters
But back to the real people...Hollywood just got two especially intriguing women from Seattle, the first of whom was Anna. She's freakishly tall at 6'7" (with heels) and got the thumbs-up after her rendition of "Respect." Only after an incredibly awkward grunting exchange between Paula and Randy. They were supposed to be imitating Simon's ambivalence, but 20 more seconds of the uncomfortable banter would have left me expecting a massive-eyed bush baby to emerge from under the table.
Anna left happily...but not happily enough to choose the right exit door. Looks like vertically-challenged Seacrest IS the last one laughing after all.
Anyway, the second successful auditioner was 16-year-old Anna, who made it to Hollywood based on her take on Celine Dion. Her dad played in the NFL. We'll see how she does in the next stage of competition, especially after the blank stare she gave after Paula and Randy told her Simon likes cricket.
We learned seven hopefuls made it to Hollywood, and then we were treated to a power sequence of awful renditions of "Don't 'Cha," including a repeat appearance by software engineer and super nerd Nick.
There's Pussycat Dolls...and there's Pussycat Dolls with "Child's Play" cameos.
Anna left happily...but not happily enough to choose the right exit door. Looks like vertically-challenged Seacrest IS the last one laughing after all.
Anyway, the second successful auditioner was 16-year-old Anna, who made it to Hollywood based on her take on Celine Dion. Her dad played in the NFL. We'll see how she does in the next stage of competition, especially after the blank stare she gave after Paula and Randy told her Simon likes cricket.
We learned seven hopefuls made it to Hollywood, and then we were treated to a power sequence of awful renditions of "Don't 'Cha," including a repeat appearance by software engineer and super nerd Nick.
There's Pussycat Dolls...and there's Pussycat Dolls with "Child's Play" cameos.
heartless soul
Audition music may be sketchy tonight, but we've nonetheless been treated to our fair share of power sequences, including shots of an exasperated Simon against the musical backdrop of "Bad Day."
Even better, though, was the sequence that marked Seattle's obligatory nerd friendship, this time between bug-eyed Kenneth and chubby, Hawaiian-shirt-wearing Jonathan. Think Hall & Oates, minus any visions of dreams coming true. Both got the boot, with Kenneth's elimination being slightly worse than Jonathan's. Simon greeted his take on NSync with a comparison to a jungle animal, including use of the term "bush baby." Ouch.
Jonathan's performance of "God Bless America" was met slightly more compassionately, although he still didn't make it to Hollywood. They left with a broken spirits, emotional confessions and two-fifths of my new favorite boy band.
Speaking of favorites...I was also treated to Eric, a hair stylist and Taylor Hicks wannabe (literally...gray hair and all) who boasted a "Twist Train" as his take on last year's "Soul Patrol." His age, interestingly, was listed as "28???" Paula probably taught him that one. Anyway, things looked promising...OK, not really...but his version of "Drift Away" did nothing for the judges.
He took the criticism by approaching Simon with a glob of hair gel, only to be escorted away by security.
Hey...at least he couldn't humiliate himself by choosing the wrong door.
Even better, though, was the sequence that marked Seattle's obligatory nerd friendship, this time between bug-eyed Kenneth and chubby, Hawaiian-shirt-wearing Jonathan. Think Hall & Oates, minus any visions of dreams coming true. Both got the boot, with Kenneth's elimination being slightly worse than Jonathan's. Simon greeted his take on NSync with a comparison to a jungle animal, including use of the term "bush baby." Ouch.
Jonathan's performance of "God Bless America" was met slightly more compassionately, although he still didn't make it to Hollywood. They left with a broken spirits, emotional confessions and two-fifths of my new favorite boy band.
Speaking of favorites...I was also treated to Eric, a hair stylist and Taylor Hicks wannabe (literally...gray hair and all) who boasted a "Twist Train" as his take on last year's "Soul Patrol." His age, interestingly, was listed as "28???" Paula probably taught him that one. Anyway, things looked promising...OK, not really...but his version of "Drift Away" did nothing for the judges.
He took the criticism by approaching Simon with a glob of hair gel, only to be escorted away by security.
Hey...at least he couldn't humiliate himself by choosing the wrong door.
keep it in the family
So we just wrapped up the show's first hour, with a recent highlight being the first set of siblings to advance to Hollywood. They're united by tongue-twister names and quasi-stellar vocal abilities, and I'm looking forward to some family feuding during the Hollywood rounds.
I also just had a taste of Nick, the guy Seacrest dubbed a "super nerd." He sang "Unchained Melody," Simon's favorite song, awfully (obviously)...only to get the inevitable "What the bloody hell was that?" Nick's response? "It was me. Was that not good enough?"
Clearly it wasn't...but we still got Simon's description of the tune as "almost non-human." So maybe he's a little animalistic. Big deal. How else are you going hit those high notes?
Anyway, the first day of auditions closed with Rudy...a Latin stallion and Charo's male counterpart. He made it through on his rendition of Journey's "Open Arms," appealing obviously to judge Randy Jackson but earning a thumbs-down from Simon Cowell in the process.
His shot at the finals looks uncertain, but continuing to kiss up to Randy could at least earn him a temporary spot in the dawg pound.
Don't stop believing, Rudy.
I also just had a taste of Nick, the guy Seacrest dubbed a "super nerd." He sang "Unchained Melody," Simon's favorite song, awfully (obviously)...only to get the inevitable "What the bloody hell was that?" Nick's response? "It was me. Was that not good enough?"
Clearly it wasn't...but we still got Simon's description of the tune as "almost non-human." So maybe he's a little animalistic. Big deal. How else are you going hit those high notes?
Anyway, the first day of auditions closed with Rudy...a Latin stallion and Charo's male counterpart. He made it through on his rendition of Journey's "Open Arms," appealing obviously to judge Randy Jackson but earning a thumbs-down from Simon Cowell in the process.
His shot at the finals looks uncertain, but continuing to kiss up to Randy could at least earn him a temporary spot in the dawg pound.
Don't stop believing, Rudy.
her voice is small but her curves are kickin'
Don't get me wrong...tonight hasn't been entirely devoid of excellence. We got Thomas Daniels, who performed "Arms of a Woman" after professing he wants to get to the top, whether it be via the stairs or an elevator. Long story short, he made it to Hollywood...and informed the judges it was success after his third shot of fame.
This guy's gonna be golden. Looks like he's perfect for the Scott Savol track.
Hollywood entries have been few and far between, but we also got Blake, a beat-box champion who narrowly got the thumbs-up largely due to Paula's persuasion. And by "persuasion," I mean incoherence.
Then again, "good" in Idol's context also means "bad," so this post would be incomplete without mention of dog-accompanied Melissa/Carleen, who hit her audition boasting not only an incredibly awkward figure, but also full-body sheer pink undergarments that made the judges ask her if she had a sunburn.
Anyway, she scrapped a plan to sing "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," only to kick off her attempt at Hollywood with an impromptu rendition of "Baby Got Back." I think she followed it with some Christina Aguilera, which still didn't get her through to Hollywood, but the love isn't entirely gone.
When you have an LA face and an Oakland booty, vocal ability is secondary at best.
This guy's gonna be golden. Looks like he's perfect for the Scott Savol track.
Hollywood entries have been few and far between, but we also got Blake, a beat-box champion who narrowly got the thumbs-up largely due to Paula's persuasion. And by "persuasion," I mean incoherence.
Then again, "good" in Idol's context also means "bad," so this post would be incomplete without mention of dog-accompanied Melissa/Carleen, who hit her audition boasting not only an incredibly awkward figure, but also full-body sheer pink undergarments that made the judges ask her if she had a sunburn.
Anyway, she scrapped a plan to sing "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," only to kick off her attempt at Hollywood with an impromptu rendition of "Baby Got Back." I think she followed it with some Christina Aguilera, which still didn't get her through to Hollywood, but the love isn't entirely gone.
When you have an LA face and an Oakland booty, vocal ability is secondary at best.
it's raining losers
So "Idol" is back and so am I, this time in the absence of the first-time viewers who joined me Tuesday. It's an unexcused absence, although something tells me my viewing counterparts overdosed on Charo dreams earlier this evening.
Or are simply still searching for the exit door.
Anyway, tonight's auditions are in Seattle, the city of grunge rock and rain that inspired me in 10th grade to fantasize about starting a metal band dressed as Catholic schoolgirls. And considering Seacrest has already dubbed Seattle the "land of confusion," we'd fight right in.
We've already been treated to plenty of stellar (read: awful) performances, including an Uncle Sam costume and equally unsuccessful Jennifer, who told Simon he listens to "back-country Englishman sheep stuff."
If that's true, auditioner Amy must be practicing the stuff of cows, because her version of Christina Aguilera's "Reflection" didn't wow Simon, either. She claimed to be sick, but Randy Jackson later diagnosed her as merely "tone deaf." On the plus side? She rocked some pretty hot painted eyebrows, and took the booting happily, claiming, "I'm a winner anyway, because I have a beautiful child and a beautiful family."
And if that understanding of reflections is as pleasing as Amy's audition, she certainly does have much to appreciate.
Finally...tonight's highlight so far has been Darwin Reedy, a walking version of Ugly Betty who really is ugly. Kind of like those Miss Nelson books you read in first grade. Imagine...thick glasses, platinum blond hair, flaming gold blouse, black skirt, tights and tennis shoes. And an almost identical mom.
So she sang "Don't Cha," with obviously poor results, but I'm guessing she'll almost definitely be back for the finale. Maybe even with her novella about singing competitions.
I'm not gonna lie...I do wish my girlfriend was hot like her.
Or are simply still searching for the exit door.
Anyway, tonight's auditions are in Seattle, the city of grunge rock and rain that inspired me in 10th grade to fantasize about starting a metal band dressed as Catholic schoolgirls. And considering Seacrest has already dubbed Seattle the "land of confusion," we'd fight right in.
We've already been treated to plenty of stellar (read: awful) performances, including an Uncle Sam costume and equally unsuccessful Jennifer, who told Simon he listens to "back-country Englishman sheep stuff."
If that's true, auditioner Amy must be practicing the stuff of cows, because her version of Christina Aguilera's "Reflection" didn't wow Simon, either. She claimed to be sick, but Randy Jackson later diagnosed her as merely "tone deaf." On the plus side? She rocked some pretty hot painted eyebrows, and took the booting happily, claiming, "I'm a winner anyway, because I have a beautiful child and a beautiful family."
And if that understanding of reflections is as pleasing as Amy's audition, she certainly does have much to appreciate.
Finally...tonight's highlight so far has been Darwin Reedy, a walking version of Ugly Betty who really is ugly. Kind of like those Miss Nelson books you read in first grade. Imagine...thick glasses, platinum blond hair, flaming gold blouse, black skirt, tights and tennis shoes. And an almost identical mom.
So she sang "Don't Cha," with obviously poor results, but I'm guessing she'll almost definitely be back for the finale. Maybe even with her novella about singing competitions.
I'm not gonna lie...I do wish my girlfriend was hot like her.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
rhapsody in a raspberry beret
So I made it through the first two hours, having gained only a hankering urge to listen to a Prince CD on my way home.
The Prince renditions were especially memorable, and I'm giving mad props to the "Kiss" medley the producers spun during the show's last 10 minutes. I also loved the girl with the fleeting memory, who reminded me of the downside of mumbling incoherently with my car radio's volume too loud.
Then there's Josh, the raspy-voiced Daughtry wannabe ordered by Simon to sing some ABBA. Then we were treated to a raspy "Copacabana," complete with excruciating facial expressions. In the end, he was eliminated...with plenty of time to savor a long night of Ex-Lax and the new Daughtry CD.
We end the night with 17 hopefuls heading to Hollywood, plenty of resurrected Charo fantasies and a reminder to never, ever underestimate the importance of a good exit.
Beginning, of course, with the door.
The Prince renditions were especially memorable, and I'm giving mad props to the "Kiss" medley the producers spun during the show's last 10 minutes. I also loved the girl with the fleeting memory, who reminded me of the downside of mumbling incoherently with my car radio's volume too loud.
Then there's Josh, the raspy-voiced Daughtry wannabe ordered by Simon to sing some ABBA. Then we were treated to a raspy "Copacabana," complete with excruciating facial expressions. In the end, he was eliminated...with plenty of time to savor a long night of Ex-Lax and the new Daughtry CD.
We end the night with 17 hopefuls heading to Hollywood, plenty of resurrected Charo fantasies and a reminder to never, ever underestimate the importance of a good exit.
Beginning, of course, with the door.
miserable, melodic...minnesota
Did Simon just call Minneapolis "useless at everything"? Yes.
It was a comment spurred by a juggler's failed attempt at excellence, although he did follow the gig with a pretty nifty dance routine that Simon also canned. His foul-mouth routine was pretty awesome, though, and the drop-dead stare from the following super-fan was to-die-for.
Back to the super-fan, who just said she and "Idol" are "BFF"...the obsession with Ace Young is a little scary. Nonetheless, it's more normal than her audition, which garnered almost unrivaled criticism from the judges, despite her 10 years of training.
"Is there anything I can do to improve?"
Simon: "Leave."
Priceless.
It was a comment spurred by a juggler's failed attempt at excellence, although he did follow the gig with a pretty nifty dance routine that Simon also canned. His foul-mouth routine was pretty awesome, though, and the drop-dead stare from the following super-fan was to-die-for.
Back to the super-fan, who just said she and "Idol" are "BFF"...the obsession with Ace Young is a little scary. Nonetheless, it's more normal than her audition, which garnered almost unrivaled criticism from the judges, despite her 10 years of training.
"Is there anything I can do to improve?"
Simon: "Leave."
Priceless.
cue the cubicle chorus
Memo to all the co-workers who have listened to me sing "Fever": Fly me to Hollywood next time.
I just watched some chick approach the judges with a bizarre take on Chaka Khan...only to be followed by an equally bizarre appearance by her boss, and some sort of twisted romantic relationship that still resulted in elimination. But at least she chose the right exit door, which is a notch above her competitors.
After that, we were treated to a stirring rendition of "California Dreamin'," which in the end led to another pass to Hollywood...and a potential body double for the next O-Town reunion tour.
On another note...I'm amazed by the number of military servicemen and women tonight. OK, so by "number," I mean two...but it's still pretty astounding. And I'm pretty wowed by the uniformed girl who just made out with her boyfriend's photo. Nothing I haven't done before.
Favorite contestant so far? Curly-haired Sarah, and not just because she hails from Eau Claire, Wisc., a town I frequented often for college forensics tournaments. No...she's smokin', and her voice is my favorite so far. She was voted through to Hollywood unanimously, although it's too bad guest judge Jewel was such a hater.
Let's just say you're not necessarily poised for evaluative excellence when you sing about making smiley faces out of egg yolks.
Just saying.
I just watched some chick approach the judges with a bizarre take on Chaka Khan...only to be followed by an equally bizarre appearance by her boss, and some sort of twisted romantic relationship that still resulted in elimination. But at least she chose the right exit door, which is a notch above her competitors.
After that, we were treated to a stirring rendition of "California Dreamin'," which in the end led to another pass to Hollywood...and a potential body double for the next O-Town reunion tour.
On another note...I'm amazed by the number of military servicemen and women tonight. OK, so by "number," I mean two...but it's still pretty astounding. And I'm pretty wowed by the uniformed girl who just made out with her boyfriend's photo. Nothing I haven't done before.
Favorite contestant so far? Curly-haired Sarah, and not just because she hails from Eau Claire, Wisc., a town I frequented often for college forensics tournaments. No...she's smokin', and her voice is my favorite so far. She was voted through to Hollywood unanimously, although it's too bad guest judge Jewel was such a hater.
Let's just say you're not necessarily poised for evaluative excellence when you sing about making smiley faces out of egg yolks.
Just saying.
ain't no lion
Back to the door thing...maybe they just show the stupid people choosing the wrong one. Just another unofficial consensus at our viewing party, which by the way is making a bunch of addicts out of a crowd composed heavily of "Idol" virgins.
I think they're intrigued by the emotional heartache, the musical turbulence...or Charo's honest hips.
And it's reassuring that Seacrest's wit has surfaced so early. "Midwest" turning into "midworst"? Genius.
Other highlights...the man in uniform who made it to Hollywood with his take on Rascal Flatts. Good to see our tax dollars are well at work.
Meanwhile...I'm still a little shell-shocked after watching a female contestant just rock the lion's song from "The Wizard of Oz." Sure, she got eliminated and received the dubious distinction of "worst audition ever," but I think the saddest part of her audition was yet another failure to choose the right exit door.
Looks like even loser lions can't follow the yellow brick road.
In other "Idol" insights...the judges appear to have taken on their usual personalities this season. Although I have to admit I was a little shocked by Randy's brutal honesty toward the guy who just gave an opera take on Aerosmith.
Looks like somebody needs to broaden membership to the dawg pound.
Woof, woof.
I think they're intrigued by the emotional heartache, the musical turbulence...or Charo's honest hips.
And it's reassuring that Seacrest's wit has surfaced so early. "Midwest" turning into "midworst"? Genius.
Other highlights...the man in uniform who made it to Hollywood with his take on Rascal Flatts. Good to see our tax dollars are well at work.
Meanwhile...I'm still a little shell-shocked after watching a female contestant just rock the lion's song from "The Wizard of Oz." Sure, she got eliminated and received the dubious distinction of "worst audition ever," but I think the saddest part of her audition was yet another failure to choose the right exit door.
Looks like even loser lions can't follow the yellow brick road.
In other "Idol" insights...the judges appear to have taken on their usual personalities this season. Although I have to admit I was a little shocked by Randy's brutal honesty toward the guy who just gave an opera take on Aerosmith.
Looks like somebody needs to broaden membership to the dawg pound.
Woof, woof.
charo's back!
Forget any focus on minor phrases like "in tune." Maybe the key to becoming America's next superstar simply exists knowing how to leave a room.
I've just finished watching the first hour of tonight's "American Idol" premiere, a round of auditions in Minneapolis. So far, I'm simply blown away by how many contestants lack the ability to choose the correct exit door.
A problem, obviously, that could be remedied by the early debut of a "Seacrest, out" sign.
Highlights so far? The William Hung-esque take on Michael Jackson's "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough," as well as the Flava Flav/boxer hybrid who failed to wow the judges with his Italian melody.
And can I just say Perla -- or, if you prefer, Charo Jr. -- has already established herself as muy caliente? She's a self-professed version of the American Dream who made it through to Hollywood after performances of Blondie's "Call Me" and Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie."
No, especially after that stellar full-body pan shot, her hips don't lie. But let's just say Jewel shouldn't expect her soul to be saved after her guest stint tonight.
Stay tuned.
I've just finished watching the first hour of tonight's "American Idol" premiere, a round of auditions in Minneapolis. So far, I'm simply blown away by how many contestants lack the ability to choose the correct exit door.
A problem, obviously, that could be remedied by the early debut of a "Seacrest, out" sign.
Highlights so far? The William Hung-esque take on Michael Jackson's "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough," as well as the Flava Flav/boxer hybrid who failed to wow the judges with his Italian melody.
And can I just say Perla -- or, if you prefer, Charo Jr. -- has already established herself as muy caliente? She's a self-professed version of the American Dream who made it through to Hollywood after performances of Blondie's "Call Me" and Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie."
No, especially after that stellar full-body pan shot, her hips don't lie. But let's just say Jewel shouldn't expect her soul to be saved after her guest stint tonight.
Stay tuned.
mic check
Learning to love yourself, my friends, is the greatest love of all.
That message might be blurred by a variety of operatic contortions tonight, when the first round of "American Idol" hopefuls take on artists like Whitney Houston during the a cappella auditions. I'll be honest - I prefer the intensity of the actual competition to the humor of the preliminary rounds. And I realize this groups me with all of 0.01 percent of the viewing population. Blame it on my inner diva.
Still, I'm watching the premiere at a viewing party that will include a surprisingly large group of "Idol" virgins. Looks like I'll be working under an unofficial ban on all references to Scott Savol and Bucky Covington.
Oh well. I'm amped for the sixth season, and you should be too. Check the blog later tonight for updates and weigh in with your best Simon imitation.
Sorich, out.
That message might be blurred by a variety of operatic contortions tonight, when the first round of "American Idol" hopefuls take on artists like Whitney Houston during the a cappella auditions. I'll be honest - I prefer the intensity of the actual competition to the humor of the preliminary rounds. And I realize this groups me with all of 0.01 percent of the viewing population. Blame it on my inner diva.
Still, I'm watching the premiere at a viewing party that will include a surprisingly large group of "Idol" virgins. Looks like I'll be working under an unofficial ban on all references to Scott Savol and Bucky Covington.
Oh well. I'm amped for the sixth season, and you should be too. Check the blog later tonight for updates and weigh in with your best Simon imitation.
Sorich, out.
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