nothin' but a number

And I thought Taylor Hicks defied my perception of age.
I'm half an hour into the first day of Birmingham auditions, and let's just say last year's silver-haired wonder is the least of this Alabama city's concerns. Among tonight's first contestants was Katie Bernard, who talked in a baby voice but sang like she belonged in the vocal AARP. That's a compliment.
The judges were divided after her performance, with Paula forced to make the deciding vote. She made Katie pull her husband in the room, who begged Paula to say yes. Probably just because he regretted saying "I do" to a baby voice. Seriously.
But she isn't tonight's only ageless wonder.
We've also seen "Big Bird," also known as Margaret Fowler of Atlanta, who hit the auditions with a thready yellow getup complemented by massive stomach rolls. Think of what would happen if Big Bird ate Bert. And Ernie. And rubber ducky.
Anyway, wrinkles and all, she claimed to be 26...then 33...then 50.
Her half-century of wisdom was denied in the end, and we all learned that hopelessness knows no generational boundary. Among other losers, we saw steamy Erica Skye of Auburn, who was denied after Simon called her singing "never-ending torture." But at least she gave Simon some eye candy, which is more than I can say of Diana Walker, who approached the panel with a less-than-stellar physique, unitard and aMichael Jackson glove.
The judges' reaction to her take on Whitney Houston? Two words: beat it.