audition lovin'

If you're hopelessly devoted to bad singing...and you're dealing with a compressed time frame, congratulations.
Tonight we're treated to another hour-long AI episode. In Los Angeles. With Olivia Newton-John as a guest judge. Does life get any better?
Maybe so, especially if you're the "most exciting entertainer on planet Earth." That's what auditioner Martik calls himself...that and a panther. He approached the judges with a full-fledged feline routine, complete with a scratch mark tattoo on his bare chest and an inexplicable mark on his chin. He got canned, but left us all something to meow about.
I wish I could saw the same for Sholandric, who vowed to "bring the love back" to AI, but sang a horrible rendition of "If Ever You're in My Arms Again." So much for giving us a new Julio Iglesias. I think I'll stick with Charo.
Of course, we've had the inevitable loser standouts...like Grace Pugal, who auditioned with some inflatable bull device. And Sophat, who was dressed as a giant banana. Most memorable in the loser pool so far is Marianna Riccio, though. I was primed for greatness when I first saw her, especially since her mom was allegedly one of Dean Martin's gold diggers. Or something.
But she totally failed to wow the judges, offering perhaps the must straightforward answer to "Should I Stay or Should I Go" ever. The rebound attempt -- kneeling down, bringing her mother in and everything -- failed, but her mom did get the "wow" from Simon. And Randy.
It's not all about the thumbs-down, however. Hollywood now has Alaina Alexander, who was on the verge of giving up her dream and -- gasp -- going to school. Fortunately, she won't have to worry about that...at least temporarily.
She's headed for the school of rock.