idol afterthoughts...

Not too much else to say in the aftermath of Wednesday's Miami auditions, although I did do some Internet stalking on some of the more memorable contestants:

*You'll remember Seacrest introduced Robbie Carrico, featured above, as a former boy bander. Turns out he not only was the lead singer of Boyz N Girlz United, but he also used to date Britney Spears. Get the full story here. Interestingly enough, he's the second contestant this season with a Britney link. Kristy Lee Cook, if you remember, once had a deal with Britney Spears' production company. Brit was even slated to appear in Kristy's first video. Get more info here.

*Click here Syesha Mercado's official bio from when she appeared on the ABC reality singing competition "The One." While the audition show emphasized her dad's stay in rehab, it conveniently forgot to mention "The One" -- or Syesha's mom's role as a famous Motown backup singer.

*Finally, the official Web site for Julia Dubela, the "American Juniors" veteran we saw, is priceless. Does anyone else think hers was one of the best clips of season 7's auditions?

miami's vices

Unlike Charleston and Omaha, Miami gave us a clearer indication of contestants to watch for in Hollywood. Thanks, of course, to the city's semi-pro auditioners like Syesha and Ilsy.

We also welcomed the return of bad attitudes, most memorably marked by Julie, an "American Juniors" veteran.

All in all, it wasn't too bad an episode and I actually appreciated the shortage of back stories. Something else a lot of other bloggers have noted recently...it's nice to see the return of some pretty solid judge banter. Simon's comment about checking Paula's Coca-Cola cup was priceless. And a valid concern.

Best of the best? I vote for the big girls, Brittany and Corliss. Syesha might have been the most on par vocally, but her attitude annoyed me. And, given her former role on the ABC reality competition "The One," she's kind of a reality TV whore.

Worst? Shamefully, I vote for Julie. Only because I was once thisclose to buying an "American Juniors" CD.

Thoughts?

no laughing matter

8:57 Seacrest promises "the very last contestant." It's Brandon, a Flava Flav wannabbe who enters the judging room with a really bad comedy routine involving an imaginary friend. Not only does he gyrate to "I'll Make Love to You," he also sings an original composition entitled "I am the Next American Idol."

Simon says it's bordering on desperation, and he's right.

Which of course inspires Brandon to pull out his comedy routine.

Simon and Randy walk out, and Paula watches in horror.

And we're done for the night!

With the obligatory sendoff, which features precocious Julie pushing her mom's hand away and mouthing "stop" as she attempts to console her.

Bye, Miami!

julie's all grown up

8:45 Bad singer montage. Inevitable.

8:46 Richard Valles gives a whiny, nasaly version of "God Bless the Broken Road." Are we done yet?

8:47 We meet Julie, an "American Juniors" veteran. Yes, I did actually watch that show. And pretty much loved it. Wow, I'm a little embarrassed now. Anyway, Julie's also kinda turned into a 16-year-old slut. Sweet.

OK, she pulls out some Janis Joplin with some overly expressive interpretive dance moves. Voice sounds pretty weird, too. But not entirely horrible.

Simon asks her if she's ever been called "precocious," and Julie asks what that means. Simon, in turn, tells her she should become an actress. He has a point, though. She's clearly acting. The plus side? We have some pretty good footage for "Behind the Music: American Juniors."

Denied all around. She is a good actress, though, and I'll be looking for "American Juniors" clips all day at work Thursday.

the girls are still on a roll

8:36 Randy is wearing a purple flower-clad bedazzle shirt. He also looks like he lost all the rewards of his gastric bypass surgery.

8:36 Time for Syesha, a Miami native who tells a sob story about how her dad just graduated from rehab. She conveniently doesn't mention, however, that she appeared on the short-lived ABC reality competition "The One" about a year ago.

She pulls out some Aretha, and is good, despite being slightly cocky. Kind of reminds me of Nadia Turner from season five.

Randy and Paula like it, but Simon's ambivalent. He still gives her a yes, and she's in!

8:39 We see Natashia, who in spite of a very obvious fake tan, is pretty good. Three quick OK's.

8:40 Ilsy gets a three-way yes, too. Wow. Looks like we're on rapid fire mode again.

let's hear it for the girls

8:27 We meet Suzanne, who went to a performing arts school but got pregnant when she was 18. And she hasn't performed since becoming a single mom.

Now she's 21, and pulls out a pretty good rendition of "I Can't Make You Love Me."

Randy and Paula like her, while Simon says she became more attractive as she kept singing. That's also known as beer goggles, and perhaps Simon's Coke cup needs to be checked.

Three-way yes, though.

8:29 Wow. We have a Jasmine Trias fan who wants to be the first Asian American Idol. Her name is Ramiele, and she does some Aretha Franklin, "Natural Woman." A little over-the-top, and not incredibly memorable, but decent.

Paula likes it, Simon says she's more like a hotel singer and Randy says she's really good. He also calls her a "very cute, smaller girl." Did anyone else just notice the red patent leather loafers Randy is wearing?

Despite Simon's no, she gets the OK.

gigante times three

8:13 Possibly the first instrument we've seen this season. A wind pipe, but still...

8:14 Bad, angry singer montage.

8:14 We meet Ghaleb, a Latin lover who plays "gypsy music." I'm ready to be seduced. He pulls out some Marc Anthony, best described by Simon's critique: "I would like you if I was drunk." Paula criticizes his accent, but likes his voice.

My take on the song? Not that good, and easily forgettable. Not caliente, if you will.

Randy says yes, Simon says no, Paula says yes -- and feels compelled to do it by giving Ghaleb a hug. Someone's living out a J. Lo fantasy.

After Ghaleb celebrates his victory with lots of kisses -- besos, if you prefer -- Paula seems nuttier than ever.

Simon, very accurately, picks up Paula's Coke glass and says, "We need someone to check in this cup."

8:18 Big girl time. No joke. We meet Corliss and Brittany, two girls who are large and in charge. Apparently, they also somehow get to audition together. Guess they missed the cutoff for "Biggest Loser: Couples Edition." Seriously, though, I think I read somewhere that one of these girls actually won Monique's beauty pageant show. Google that later.

Corliss sings first, doing a special performance just for Randy, and it's pretty good. Brittany's up next, and I like her just as much as Corliss. They both have this old-school, jazzy Motown vibe to their voices.

Simon says yes to both of them, Paula does the same and so does Randy.

Watch out, In-N-Out Burger, they're coming to Hollywood!

meat and meaty

8:00 Wow. A Miami Vice-inspired intro. That's so cheesy. Lily senses some Ricky Martin coming, and I'm ready to shake my bon-bon if warranted.

8:01 First Gloria Estefan reference.

8:02 Simon says Paula looks very slutty. Hopefully that's a sign we're temporarily done with her hiccup spells.

8:03 We meet Shannon, who works at her parents' deli grinding hamburgers and slicing fajita meat. She's also a really good belcher. OK, we didn't need a demonstration. I also didn't need to hear her use the phrase "bloody meat." Especially when I'm eating pepperoni.

Whoa. Power voice. And not in a good way She's singing "Crybaby," not entirely awfully, but it lacks real tone and is WAY too over the top. Simon says she sounds like she's eating. Shannon, naturally, is totally shocked and says no one has ever criticized her.

She gets a three-way no.

8:07 Time for Robbie, a "former boy bander who's now turned to rock," according to Seacrest. Wow, you'd never tell he was in a boy band from his looks. OK, maybe so. He kind of looks like Nick Carter with long hair and a beard.

He's OK, better than other contestants, but pretty forgettable.

Still, the judges like him (mildly) and give him the OK times three.

and we're off...maybe

Well, the scheduled outage apparently hasn't happened yet, so it looks like we're good to go for now.

Tonight I'm joined by my BFF, musical diva Lily. She'll likely be singing along with all the songs. Yesss!

The show starts soon!

to idol, or not to idol

Hey guys...

Just learned of a scheduled blog outage beginning at 7:30 our time. So if you don't see tonight's posts immediately, don't panic. They'll be up eventually.

welcome to miami...almost

It's just about time to blog tonight's Miami auditions. Yes! Reminder: The one-hour show starts at 8 p.m. on Fox.

In the meantime, check out this link about how they made that giant crop circle featured on the Omaha round of AI auditions. (via Idol Chatter)

Also, I am getting soooo excited about Paula's Super Bowl performance. The only thing that would make it better is if it was actually live. Instead, we'll see a taped segment, possibly a result of Paula's stage jitters, this article suggests.

See you in Miami!

more than corn in omaha?

Luckily, the Omaha auditions ended right when I was about to reach my breaking point. And the last singer, stellar vocalist Leo, made the show end on a pretty high note. Literally. Kind of.

This was a nice break from what we saw in Charleston, in that we got most of our bad singers in montages. Even the ousted singers who got longer air time were fairly likeable, like Ozzy Osbourne lookalike Rachael, and future AI correspondent Chris.

With some exceptions -- ie: forgot-the-lyrics guy -- the majority of the OK'd contestants seemed to show at least a fair amount of promise. Not too many I'd expect to see in the top 24, but still worthy of the judges' approval.

Best singer of the night? Naturally, self-proclaimed homecoming queen Leo. I also liked Samantha, who unfortunately was subjected to the judges' little switcheroo.

Best of the worst? Chris, who gets bonus points in my mind for both his hand stand and the gifts he gave the judges.

What did you think of tonight's episode?

bow down to the queen

8:54 Bad singer montage, complete with some more ren fair people. What is their deal this season?!? The song is "Stuck in the Middle With You." Are we done yet?

8:56 We meet Leo, who's from a 200-person town. He quips, "My mom always says she raised the perfect homecoming queen. Too bad it wasn't one of her daughters."

He sings "A Song for You," very solidly, and the judges like him. Maybe the best of the night.
Three-way yes! The judges are huge fans of his personality, too.

8:59 Montage of singers who are going to H-wood, but obviously didn't have personalities sparkling enough for inclusion on TV.

daughtry version 2.0?

8:44 My 7-year-old viewing partner has left the room, apparently out of boredom. Sigh. It's not the first time a man has done that to me.

8:45 Whoa. We just got another shot of the guyliner-clad teacher we saw a few nights ago. Trickery!

8:46 David, a quasi-goth Chris Daughtry fan, pulls out some "Livin' on a Prayer." I like it! The judges seem to like him, aside from Randy's suggestion he work on his performing skills. Three-way yes for Hollywood

8:48 We meet Johnnie -- "Pretty much I'm one of the weirdest guys you'll ever meet." Imagine a sparkly gold jacket. That's what he's wearing. Paula hiccups, and Simon calls her a disgusting little pig.

Back to the audition. Johnnie sings "Shout." Very enthusiastically. And by enthusiastically, I mean badly.

Denied all around!

family ties

8:36: We meet Angelica, for whom the auditions "are no laughing matter." Oh no. Sob story. OK, not really. She basically moved out of her parents' home because she didn't get along with her dad. I really don't understand the conflict. Something about throwing her life away. And her dad paying for her trip to AI because of a Martina McBride song.

She's nervous, and Simon tells her to imagine Randy in a bikini. Thanks for the visual.

She sings "The Power of Love," and I think it sounds pretty solid.

The judges, however, like her voice, but tell her she lacks individuality.

Still...Randy says yes, Paula says yes, Simon says yes.

Somebody's on the way to resolving her issues!

Obligatory phone call to dad. She tells him she's going to Hollywood and he sound pretty calm. Until he uses the phrase "bad ass."

Aww...they really are one happy family after all.

switcheroo

8:25 We meet Rachael, a gothified former wrestler. Imagine a female Ozzy Osbourne. No joke. She sings an original song, something about being happy go lucky. Randy and Simon say no, but Paula gives a yes, clearly not based on talent.

Anyway, after Rachael's denied, Seacrest intervenes and claims he can do the judges' job. So he switches places with Paula.

8:28 Seacrest has taken Paula's spot among the judges. This should be interesting. We meet Samantha, who while cute, is not nearly confident enough. Simon asks if she thinks she could win the competition and she says, "I don't know."

But she pulls out some good Norah Jones, which Seacrest is asked to evaluate first.

Weird judges/Seacrest banter ensues. Please put me out of my misery.

OK, we're back to our usual three-judge panel and she gets a three-way OK for Hollywood, despite reservations about her confidence, or lack thereof. Four-way yes, if you count Seacrest.

8:31 Elizabeth, Denise and Michael get OK's. Wow, rapid fire style. Did anyone else notice that Elizabeth had some major pit stains? Speaking of Elizabeth, we get a shot of her on the escalator telling everyone that she's going to prove she's America's Next Top Model. Oops.

Reality TV whore, anyone?

rachael puts up a fight

8:17 Paula has entered the building!

8:18 We meet Rachael, an avid arm wrestler who beats Seacrest. Wow, I'm totally shocked. She also wants to wrestle Simon, but he refuses. Too bad.

Anyway, she pulls out some country and I like it. Maybe just because I'm a little scared of her.

Simon says she's performing like it's the end of her career. Randy says she sounds like she's yodeling.

No from Simon, but yes from Randy and Paula. She's going to Hollywood!

Wait, Paula has a last-minute arm wrestle request. She loses. Probably not as quickly as Seacrest, though.

don't forget the lyrics

We're back from commercial, and Paula's still gone.

8:12 We meet Jason, 21, who works on a farm in a 500-person town in Iowa. Join every single other contestant this season. He has the quiet guy vibe and I say this goes well.

He pulls out a rendition of "When You Say Nothing at All" and it sounds good -- until he forgets the lyrics after the first verse!

Awkward silence ensues, and he tries again, but still can't remember anything past the first verse.

This same thing happens about three times.

Finally, on the fourth try, he does the whole song.

The judges say he has an OK voice, but might lack star quality.

Still, he gets a two-judge "yes" for Hollywood. Is anyone else surprised?

"I will never, ever give you that shot again," Simon says.

His girlfriend (?) shrieks when he comes outside, and Simon jokes that Jason just stepped on Seacrest.

8:17 Obligatory singer memory-lapse segment ensues.

lemons into lemonade

Wow, Paula's plane is delayed, so Simon and Randy are (sort of) flying solo.

8:02 We meet Chris, who says he's going to explode in happiness. "It's going to fly everywhere," he says. OK, I see where this is going. He greets the judges with gifts -- a stuffed animal and a T-shirt (or something) for Simon. He leaves a stuffed animal for absent Paula. He also has a bunch of pictures of himself with Kelly Clarkson.

Preditably -- maybe -- he sings "Since U Been Gone," badly, complete with an equally awful hand stand.

"It's not a dancing show," my 7-year-old viewing partner says accurately.

The judges deny him, surprisingly tactfully. He does have a pretty likeable personality.

Chris isn't done yet, however. He pulls out an audition for a red carpet correspondent. Something tells me we'll see him on the finale.

Apparently Simon has the same idea. He advises Chris to demand an AI job with his local Fox affiliate -- and tells him he has Simon and Randy's backing. Sweet!

"I'm so excited," Chris concludes of his broadcasting success. "I feel like I just won the lottery, but even better."

Seven-year-old Saylor's final thoughts?

"OK, you're not Kelly Clarkson."

How true.

here we go

And it's audition time! Tonight, it's a very special blogging session because I'm joined by Saylor, the 7-year-old son of one of my co-workers. I'm already predicting he's funnier than I am. Expect a new blog master tomorrow.

Here comes Omaha...

see you in omaha!

Reminder: Tonight's one-hour episode of "Idol" features Omaha auditions and starts at 8 p.m. on Fox. I'll be blogging "live" as usual, so don't forget to weigh in with all your comments throughout the show.

Not too much else is going on in the "Idol" world. Is just me, or is this season tamer than most? Come on, people...give us some naked pictures or something!

In the abscence of current AI news, I'll leave you with memories of some two past contestants.

First, the good:

Click here to watch a video of Carrie Underwood's performance of "Alone." If you remember, it's the song that made Simon predict that she would not only win the competition, but also go on to outsell all other Idols. Accurate on both counts. More importantly, the song has been in my head all day.

And the bad:

Clay Aiken wants you to know he's not Justin Timberlake, according to this article. And here, he says he has no sex drive.

Stage an intervention, Seacrest!

this is me

At least according to this personality quiz, which claims to reveal your "American Idol" personality. Good luck.

And don't forget...Tuesday's one-hour AI episode features Omaha auditions. It starts at 8 p.m. on Fox.

spoilers and virgins!

Recovered from the Charleston auditions yet?

If you're a spoiler fan, click here for a list of this season's alleged top 24 contestants. I'll stop there.

Also, it looks like I'm not the only one who's noticed this season of AI has gone all virtuous on our asses. Check out this article from The Christian Post about how the show has become a platform for abstinence.

Scary.

charleston's not that friendly

Of all the audition cities so far, I'd say Charleston gave us the weakest indication of the caliber of talent.

Seems like we got mainly compelling stories, but a whole bunch of denials and no amazing talent to watch for later.

The judges' decision-making skills also seemed a little skewed tonight. I'm still wondering why Air Force Lyndsy got the no, while virgin Amy is headed to Hollywood.

That said, my talent pick of the night is London, the hot blonde whose dad died of cancer. I guess I also liked the brother and sister who sang the R. Kelly duet.

Among the others...I still say Oliver was pretty cute, and who can't love the couple who met on the AI message boards?

Lemme know what you think.

no baby love here

8:56 More bad singers. Seems like Charleston was pretty disappointing overall. Even Seacrest says the city can be summarized by "no."

8:57 OK, back to Oliver. He gets a second chance to audition. He also gets a baby girl, but whatever. I say he gets the OK.

He takes on "Get Here," and doesn't actually sound horrible but has some scary falsetto problems. The judges say he's not ready and I feel pretty bad for the guy. Seriously...I'd say he's better than average.

Anyway, Oliver gets the no, but still shows the judge his new baby. Aww.

he's not going

8:50 Joshua botches "And I am Telling You."

His response? "This show is fake and rigged."

Simon: "You are rude and deluded."

Joshua: "My talent is too big for this competition to hold."

Simon wins?

mile-high club?

8:43 We meet Air Force pilot Lyndsay Goodman. She actually kind of looks like Angelina Jolie. Hot. Am I right?

I say she does well. All her military friends love her, too.

She approaches the judges and despite being clearly nervous, pulls out a fairly solid version of "Black Velvet."

The judges say they're worried about her nerves, and Simon even calls her a cabaret singer.

Three-way no. I object!

8:46 Now it's time for Aretha. All you really need to know is that she has a huge chest. Apparently also a huge head, since she says she's as good as all of the other idols.

She sings some Whitney Houston. It's not pretty. Not a total train wreck, but pitchy and a cheap imitation of every diva imaginable.

Simon: "You seriously murdered the Whitney Houston song."

Unanimously denied. And she gets defensive.

london ain't fallin'

8:34 Oliver's back. His wife has now apparently found a hospital bed. Again, to be continued.

8:34 Uh-oh. Mention of "a new beginning." Cue dramatic back story. It's London, a cute blonde whose dad recently died of cancer. Easy call. I say she's in.

She pulls out some Billie Holiday and sounds pretty good. Not especially memorable, but at least as good as the virgin chick we saw earlier tonigh.

Paula likes it, while Randy and Simon are pretty neutral.

She gets a ticket to Hollywood, and we see a whole montage of other Hollywood-bound singers whose back stories apparently weren't compelling enough for air time.

true love waits

8:23 Oliver's back. He's driving his wife to the hospital and Oliver's lost. Help him out, producers!

8:24 Bad singer montage. I saw it coming.

8:25 We meet Amy Catherine Flynn, the captain of her high school dance team. She's also in a club that promotes abstaining from sex. And now she's giving a speech about why it's important to stay a virgin until marriage. What's up with the morals this season?

Se sings "Reflection" by Christina Aguilera and it actually sounds pretty good. I dig it.

Paula likes her, Simon says the song was too big for her and people will find her annoying. He still gives her the yes, though.

Randy also says yes, claiming she has "mad potential."

She's in.

it takes two?

8:11 Eww. A couple. Randy and Crystal. They met on the AI message boards and apparently love public displays of affection. Allegedly they give audition advice on the boards.

Anyway, they somehow get to audition together. I smell producer plant. Even Crystal starts laughing midway through.

Still, I'm pretty amused.

They get the no, and Simon advises, "Go and check into a hotel."

8:14 Gross. Another couple. Michelle and Jeffrey. Wait, they're brother and sister. A loud, boisterous urban pair in bright clothing.

They, too, inexplicably get to audition together. Actually, they're not that bad in their rendition of R. Kelly's "Angel." A little incestuous.

Simon says Jeffrey's better than his sister, and Simon says they have "great chemistry." Wow, this is turning into a VC Andrews novel.

Randy gives Jeffrey a yes, Michelle a no. The remaining judges give them both a yes. And they're both in!

Crazy screaming ensues. Get a room, people.

the friendliest city in america?

Welcome to Charleston!

Within the program's opening minutes we see Oliver, who has to abruptly leave auditions after his wife goes into labor. To be continued.

Then there's Raysharde, an Atlanta native who sports a fro and calls himself the black Clay Aiken. He pulls out some "I Can't Make You Love Me," and actually isn't that bad, though the judges call him too dramatic. Denied by all three

8:04 OK, now we meet DeAnna, who apparently shares a hometown with Kellie Pickler. She's also apparently a little bitter, since she pulls out a whole chaine of obscenities when asked about her job. But the rage doesn't stop there, as she quickly sings an anger-infused version of "Fancy."

Simon calls her a tiger, but still gives her the no. Randy and Paula agree.

Zero for two. Rough night.

charleston here we come!

Reminder: Tonight's AI will feature auditions in Charleston. The one-hour show starts at 8 p.m. on Fox.

In the meantime, here's another article about contestant Carly Hennessy Smithson's past with MCA.

I'll be blogging tonight's episode live as usual, so keep the comments coming!

how san diego ranked up

Overall, San Diego auditions weren't too bad. The one-hour format in particular was a welcome break since last week we were teetering on the edge of overkill.

Even though executive producer Nigel Lythgoe has said San Diego produced the most talent, I can't say we caught that many standouts. Maybe I'm just still a little cynical after Carly got the OK. (I'm anxious to hear you thoughts on THAT, by the way.)

Best of the best? I'm embarassed to admit it, but Samantha -- Simon's super-fan -- kind of wowed me. I also liked Michael, the guy with the cool accent.

So bad they're good? Had he not been an obvious producer plant, Alberto would have amused me. That said, I'll go with Valerie, the heavy-chested Mariah Carey wannabe.

Thoughts?

save the best for last?

8:55 Time for the controversial Carly Hennessy. She apparently now goes by Carly Smithson. Convenient.

Brief recap of her story: She's from Ireland. She auditioned a couple years ago, got the OK, but got disqualified because her visa didn't go through. But the story doesn't stop there. Under the name of Carly Hennessy, she also had a contract with MCA, the label spent $2 million on her, and she totally bombed. Get the whole story here. Actually, as of now, her MCA site is still up, too. Check it out here.

OK, she sings "I'm Every Woman" and does really well. Simon says it wasn't as good as two years ago. Three-way yes. What a surprise.

paralyzed no more

8:48 Bad singer Aaron sings "Leave Me Alone" while snapping his fingers. Done. Denied.

8:48 Sad story alert. David tells about his paralyzed vocal chord, but he's better now. He sings "Waiting on the World to Change." Decent, with a brief memory lapse. Randy inexplicably feels the urge to sing backup. Please stop.

The judges are impressed, possibly a bit too enthusiastic. Sad stories will get you anywhere. Three-way yes.

plant alert!

8:35 We meet Blake, who's apparently been to tons of AI auditions. He appeared dressed up as Lady Liberty for the season five auditions. Thanks for reminding me of that nightmare, Seacrest. Seems like somebody can't take a hint. He also has a major stage mom.

He pulls out some "Stand by Me" and he's not awful, but not fantastic, either. That equals a three-way no. But he does have a really hot brother.

8:37 Bad singer montage

8:38 Time for Alberto, 28, a soft-voiced hippie guy who talks about getting lost in his imagination. He carries a paper fan reading something like, "I'm an American Idol fan." He's also playing with a Barbie. Plant alert. This is San Diego's equivalent of the Paula stalker. I'll be looking online for his talent manager tomorrow. He sings an original song, further evidence that he's here strictly for comic relief.

Simon: "You're the equivalent of a storm cloud on a sunny day."

All the judges say no. He leaves while giving Paula a paper fan. Simon and Randy are denied.

simon addicts anonymous

8:26 We get a filler segment about how everyone loves all the judges, yada, yada, yada.

8:27 Among those contestants is Samantha, who's apparently obsessed with Simon. Her sister is invited into the audition because she gives Simon a note saying she'd like to meet him, along with Oprah and Obama. Her sister also somehow gets to be an honorary judge.

Anyway, Samantha pulls out some Aretha and she actually sounds pretty good. I'd say one of the night's best. All the judges -- including her sister -- give her the OK.

And she's in!

just say no to whitney

8:20 A guy in a sombrero is accompanied by a mime. Are we done yet?

8:21 We meet Christopher and Monique. I'm not optimistic. OK, Monique hits the stage first. Horizontal stripes, white leggings and boots with the fur. Add about 180 pounds and the image is complete. She pulls out some Whitney Houston...and some Mariah Carey...and some Brandy. And fails at all of them. Three-way no.

8:23 Now Christopher hits the stage. And he fails, too. Coincidentally, he also pulls out some Whitney. Simon: "There wasn't a single note in tune." Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Simon: "The reality is there's not a single person on the planet Earth who would pay to hear you sing." Again, that pretty much sums it up. He's escorted out by security and gives the inevitable chain of obscenities.

bad 'emotions'

8:11 Time for Michael, who's apparently from some foreign country or something. He pulls out some soul and the judges are all really impressed. I say he's OK. Three-way yes.

8:12 Our first bad singer montage of the night. Ouch. I knew it was coming.

8:13 We meet Valerie, an aspiring Mariah Carey. This isn't going to turn out well. She also says she likes to laugh at the funny auditions. Again, not looking pretty. And I'm right. She sings a shriek-infused version of "Against All Odds." Simon calls it Mariah Carey's CD left outside in the sun for a year. Randy's actually pretty nice, but still gives her the no. Paula agrees.

Looks like they don't belong together after all.

two tickets to hollywood

Welcome to San Diego!

We start off with Tetiana, who sings an adequate version "Someone to Watch Over Me." It's not bad, but I don't see her advancing too far.

The judges agree. Simon says she's not as good as she thinks she is, but still votes her in. Randy and Paula do the same. So she gets to Hollywood, but Simon quips "obnoxious" at her departure.

OK, time for sad back story. We meet Perrie, a single father who's taking care of his son after the baby momma got killed. Wrong place, wrong time. And too bad the kid really looks like a girl.

Anyway, all the judges are impressed with his take on "I'll Make Love to You" and give him a three-way yes. Cue shot of happy kid. Aww.

san diego, here we come!

Reminder: Tonight's episode of AI features auditions in San Diego, the city executive producer Nigel Lythgoe said generated the most talent. See that article here.

The one-hour show starts at 8 p.m. on Fox.

As usual, I'll be blogging live, so please continue to weigh in with all your insights. I'm especially interested to see if you agree with this article, which claims AI auditions have jumped the shark this season.

In other diversions, click here to see a photo of Sanjaya with his hair tucked inside a hat. Not pretty.

See you tonight!

easy, paula

Here's the new Paula Abdul song. What do you think?

another week of AI action

Happy Monday!

I'm sure you're doing your best to contain your excitement until AI returns Tuesday at 8 p.m. Those auditions will feature San Diego; rumor is Charleston will be featured Wednesday. And a bit of relief...both of this week's auditions are just one hour.

Also, Entertainment Weekly has posted its first power list ranking the contestants who advanced to Hollywood.

And in another bit of reality TV news..."Survivor" auditions come to Columbus this Saturday, Jan. 26. You can audition from noon to 2 p.m. at Leisure Lifestyles, 5880 Veterans Parkway. Call 706-323-3333 or visit the official casting site here.

on the radio...

Check out this article about how AI changed radio, and will likely continue to do so. It will make you either really happy or really sad.

That's all I have for now, but I hope you spend the weekend getting ready for AI's San Diego auditions. Feel free to leave all your predictions on this blog.

low ratings, continued

Make no mistake -- AI is still on top of its game. Tuesday's season premiere averaged 33.2 million viewers, according to preliminary numbers from Nielsen Media Research.

That number is still huge, but when you view it in the show's context, it's a little disheartening. Consider this excerpt from an LA Times article:

For the first time since it became a winter TV staple back in 2003, "Idol's" season premiere did not improve on the previous year's debut. Not only was "Idol" down 11% compared with last season's all-time high for a season opener (37.4 million), it actually delivered the lowest premiere figures, among both total viewers and the crucial demographic of adults ages 18 to 49, since 2004.

Thoughts?

brothers forever!

Still singing "We're Brothers Forever?" You're not alone. Thanks to YouTube, that song has been stuck in my head for the past hour.

Watch the video and subject yourself to the same curse.

By the way...did you guys notice that the "Brothers Forever" guy is 44 YEARS OLD? As in, too old to audition for AI?

more than a lone star in texas?

So Dallas auditions are over, and I have to say they were significantly less tolerable than what we saw in Philly. Back stories seemed repetitive, and even the caliber of talent seemed a little off. One too many bad singer montages for my own good.

Best singer of the night? I say Pia, also known as Zpia. Sure, she's a backup singer, but I'm glad she didn't pull the scared of the spotlight card.

Most compelling story? Obviously Kayla, the chick who suffered the car accident. I still don't agree with her OK for Hollywood, though.

Best of the worst? Bruce, the kid who's saving himself for marriage. Nothing beats giving your heart to your dad.

Can't wait to hear what you think.

big brother pimpin'

9:51 We see Renaldo in a bad variation of a pimp suit. Silver fabric. This is not the weirdest audition in AI history. It's just pathetic. He doesn't really even speak English. And his white pimp hat says "Simon."

And he's singing an original composition: "We're brothers forever." A verse: "I am your brother, your best friend forever."

Not pretty. Can I spare you the graphic description and leave the rest to your imagination? Thanks. The judges' reactions are pretty funny, though.

Seacrest is invited in and he joins in the buddy-buddy dance. Somebody's getting sued if this song is in my head at midnight.

Whoa...did anyone else notice Paula's dancing?

Simon says he actually likes his personality, but gives an obvious no. Paula and Randy agree.

Renaldo, meanwhile, says something about Simon being sent here from heaven. Let the pimpin' begin.

kelly part two?

9:43 Bad singer montage. They're singing "Since U Been Gone." The designated bad singer song of Dallas.

9:44 We meet Nina, who's from the same hometown as Kelly Clarkson. She's hot. I say yes. She pulls out some Whitney Houston. The oldest trick in the book. She sounds like every other female finalist who's done Whitney in the past. OK, maybe not that good, but you get the picture.

Simon calls her old-fashioned, Paula calls her pageant-like.

She pulls out another song, "Feelin' Good." A little better. Not in Simon's mind, though.

Randy's all over her. Fortunately, not literally.

Simon says no, Paula says yes.

She's in!

judges don't idol kyle

9:35 Wow. There's a rocker sporting guyliner. His name is Kyle and he's a counselor for kids in kindergarten through 2nd grade. He also apparently spent one too many minutes in the fake tanning booth.

Kyle also is wearing a shirt that a bunch of little kids made him. It says "Do you idol Kyle?" Clearly, counselors aren't responsible for teaching grammar.

My answer is a big no.

He pulls out some Kelly Clarkson "Never Again." Thanks, dude. Now I never want to hear this song again. It's all gothified and stuff.

Simon calls it very disturbing. Paula says it's a little scary. Randy agrees.

Denied!

save a horse, ride a cowboy

9:30 Wow. A guy (?) in heels. An appropriate kickoff for another montage of really bad singers. And what's up with all the guys dressed as women?

9:31 We meet Drew, another person who lives on a farm. Does everyone on this show own horses? He likes to sing on his tractor. And he's chewing on a piece of hay at home. And by home, I mean a green screen.

Drew pulls out some George Strait and nails it. Wow, I already think his tractor's sexy.

Simon says no -- "not my thing."

Randy says yes, Paula says yes.

He's in!

colton croons

9:23 We meet Colton, who sings "Boondocks" by Little Big Town. He is so trying to be Ryan Cabrera with crazy eyebrows and a Rod Stewart haircut. (Thanks for the joke, Brad.)

He sounds decent. Judges are quasi-impressed. He's pretty forgettable, but I say he gets the yes.

I'm right. Three-way OK.

He tries to play a practical joke on his parents and Seacrest by saying he got the no. It lasts for about three seconds.

they didn't ask her to

9:19 We meet Tammy with a very monotone voice. Speaking voice. She sings "The Power of Love" by Celine Dion and is horrible. Actually, she's not even singing "The Power of Love." She's singing "If You Asked Me To."

She stops, starts again and still sounds really awful. Probably the most entertaining train wreck of the night, though? Am I right?

stars and stripes

9:14 We meet Kyle, a Buddy Holly lookalike who's supposed to be a politician or something. Rock the vote, baby. OK, I'm SO over this campaign video. Yeah, I say he bombs it.

Paula calls him a happy person.

He sings "Somebody to Love" by Queen. Actually, he's not that that bad. He's all Broadway and stuff. Simon says not as bad as he thought he would be and gives him the yes.

Randy calls it very academic and says no.

Paula asks if he wants this as much as he wants to be in politics. He says he wants it more.

Simon asks if he would "do weird things with his hair" like Clay Aiken. He says no.

Paula gives him the yes!

Keg party at the math fraternity tonight!

off-key marital bliss

9:06 We meet Angela, who's telling a story about being married to a professional model. And now he's invited in. Hot. Are they divorced yet? Please?

Anyway, the husband recommends she sing "Baby Love" and she does. Judges aren't impressed. She's cheesy, karaoke-like and 99 percent off-key. But seriously, she's not THAT awful. Better than me. That's sad.

Simon makes all these jokes about love being deaf. Paula says something about needing a reality check. Simon and Randy talk about modeling Speedos.

Please spare me the visuals.

Angela gets the three-way no.

not a prayer for douglas

9:01 We meet Douglas, the obligatory music-obsessed guy of the night. He said his dad would say "I hate you" when he heard him singing. Take a hint, dude. He asks to do a warmup, obviously for extra camera time.

He sings "Livin' on a Prayer." Badly, as expected. I think I sounded better when I was singing this song for an hour in the office today. Loooong story.

Wow, this guy is getting a lot of attention. He does another warmup and keeps singing. Somehow he's also really sweaty. I don't want to think about how he got that way.

Simon calls it stupidity, but somehow Douglas get to keep singing. This is getting painful. Thanks for reminding me why I hate the audition rounds so much.

9:05 and the Douglas is still singing.

9:06 He's finally taken out by security...but still singing.

impersonator impresses

8:51 Bad singer montage

8:52 Ryan prefaces Kady's audition with "there's a lot on the line." He means business. She does vocal impersonations, including Britney and Carrie Underwood. OK, cool the impersonations. She's ready to show herself by singing "Unchained Melody." Pretty good. Simon says she's the best so far this year. Wow, I wasn't really that impressed.

Anyway, three-way yes. I love how she took off her heels to run down the stairs for a victory shot.

8:55 What was up with those people doing the funky chicken? Did you guys see that?

paula goes to the dark side

8:41 We meet Kayla, who lives on a farm. More horses. Sad story time. She got in a bad car accident when she was 18 and her family thought she was dead. She may have lost part of her face, but apparently she gained a future spot on AI. Or maybe not.

I say this fits into the category of sad story, bad audition.

I guess I'm wrong. She pulls out a little "Piece of My Heart" filled with some major yelling. It actually doesn't sound that awful. Simon says he wants to be her for two hours and says yes.

Paula says no. Jealous. Simon begs Randy to give her a chance. He agrees. She's in!

Paula is now officially this season's cold-hearted snake. Good luck getting pity for your next manicure incident.

nailed it

8:37 We meet Brandon, who has a collection of peeled fingernails. I'm just about ready to vomit right now. Why did he bring this with him? Something tells me he gets the no. He tells the judges he doesn't want to be like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton.

OK, I'm wrong. He actually sounds pretty good. No way those fingernails can really be his.

Simon says forgettable, Randy and Paula give a quasi-yes. He's in!

Stupid judge banter ensues.

like a virgin

8:26 Our first duo of the night sounds awful. Has anyone else noticed there's absolutely no image of Taylor Hicks on the AI backdrop here? Not saying it's a bad thing.

8:27 Oh no. It's time for a story about a "very interesting promise." Here's Bruce. He's19 and never kissed a girl. And he's a virgin. And his dad is wearing a necklace heart that supposed to belong to Bruce's future wife. Bruce has a matching key around his neck. Ryan promises he's kissed a girl today. Um, I'll be the judge of that.

Anyway, what's up with all the pure people this season?

Bruce, meanwhile, actually sounds good. I guess you have to use your lips for something when you're not making out.

The judges say he's not quite ready. He asks for advice. Randy says, "Kiss some girls."

Is it bad that I want to dirty Bruce up right now?

8:30 We meet Pia, a backup singer also known as Zpia. Yeah, that extra letter makes you really cool. But she sounds really good and the judges are really impressed. Obvious three-way yes.

kelly fan, carrie imitator

8:16 We meet Beth, a Kelly Clarkson fan. Big deal. She's a singing waitress at a fondue restaurant. She sings "Beautiful Disaster" and it's just a disaster. Not beautiful. In fact, really ugly. She gets a three-way no.

8:18 Our first montage of bad singers.

8:18 We meet Alaina, who's been compared to Carrie Underwood. But Alaina says Carrie Underwood is like her, not vice versa. Conceited. They really do look alike. And what a surprise...she sounds pretty good singing Faith Hill's "Stronger." Simon says she's not as good as she thinks she is. Still, she gets a three-way yes. I'm not super impressed, though.

roller coaster of no love

8:06 We meet Paul, a park attendant. This isn't going to turn out well. He's also a member of the American Roller Coaster Enthusiasts. He calls "American Idol" a scary ride with ups, downs, loops. Oh no.

He sings Elliot Yamin's "Wait for You." And yes, it sounds awful. Paula calls it "very joyful."

What a surprise. He gets the no, in a surprisingly nice letdown from the judges.

everything's bigger in texas?

8:02 We meet Jessica Brown, a stay-at-home mom who experimented with drugs in college. And by drugs I mean meth. Ironically, she kind of looks like Jessica Sierra. How much would you love her to sing "Rehab" right now? Answer: A lot.

She's also a huge fan of "Jesus, Take the Wheel," apparently.

OK, ready to sing "I'll Stand by You." Sounds decent. Must be the drugs. Just kidding. Kind of.

Simon likes it, Randy says not bad. The judges say yes!

Note: We never actually got to see Paula say yes. She was on drugs.

it's on

It's that time again.

It's 7:59 p.m. and I'm all ready for Dallas auditions.

Stay tuned.

not all amateurs

I'm just about to go home to walk the dog before AI, but I wanted to quickly discuss the debate over the many professional singers auditioning this season.

Cage-fighting, horse-riding Kristy who auditioned in Philly, featured above, apparently was once signed by Arista Nashville and had the same manager as Leann Rimes, according to this article.

And if you think that's bad, get this -- one auditioner has even been nominated for a Grammy, this article says.

What do you think? Should they be ruled ineligible?

more on paula's stalker

Don't worry, my background checks haven't stopped yet.

Just found a MySpace for Paul Marturano, the guy who sang the creepy stalker-like song to Paula. Apparently, "Idol" wasn't his first shot at performing.

Check out his bio:

"Piano man Paul Marturano, born and raised in the suburbs of Philadelphia, PA has been performing all over the country and at sea on Royal Caribbean Cruises for the past 10 years.

May 2000, Paul left PA for NYC and a position on the TV Show, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. After his stint on Millionaire and a Daytime Emmy Award, he started performing full-time. He has been part of numerous TV productions including The 40th Annual Grammy Awards, and VH1 Pilot called Just Visiting, in which he co-starred, that never made it to air.

Paul sat in at the Iridium Jazz Club in NYC with the Legendary Les Paul, performed at the premier party for the hit movie,THE SIXTH SENSE, at the Prince Theater in Philadelphia and has opened for celebrities such as Jackie the Jokeman Martling at Catch A Rising Star in Atlantic City, NJ. Paul has performed everywhere from 5 Star restaurants, such as Nicks in Phillys Rittenhouse Hotel, to NYC bars. Paul is best known, and loved in the Philadelphia area, by Philadelphia Flyer fans for his song Broad Street, which he performed on Comcast Sportsnet.

He is known for both his rock n roll piano style and for his soothing ballads. Paul's latest release, Bucks County is available at CDbaby.com. Paul Marturano's live show is full of energy and is ALWAYS a GOOD TIME !!"

sexual healing

Just finished some research on Milo Turk, the guy in the pic above who sang "No Sex Allowed" during last night's auditions. Apparently, he has his own Web site, which you can access here.

Here's the bio he gives:

"Milo is a songwriter/singer/performer who specializes in songs with messages done in a lighthearted hilarious fashion. His songs include music about promoting abstinence, communication in relationships, reducing gossip and other forms of promoting positivity. He is also known for doing offbeat versions of 80s songs.

Milo has performed at various events in the area in the last several years. Most recently, he has performed at Liberty State Park for an audience of 4000 people. He has also performed at the Fringe Festival at Helenas in Philadelphia and hosted and performed at six coffee houses that he produced for a non profit organization. He has been a songwriting master writing potential hit songs since 1990. He studied songwriting and the music business at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia, taught by well known producer Marc Dicciani. He has taken vocal lessons in Pop music by world renowned vocal coach Sal Dupree.

Milo has been involved in various contests, including, the 95.5 WPLJ Scott and Todd Big Show Jingle Contest, where he created the song Come Together with Scott and Todd. He has had numerous television appearances including Karaoke on Suburban Cable Sponsored by Music Choice, Christmas with Full House, and The Johnny Petillo Show. His demo tapes have been listened to by such renowned artists as Robert John (Sad Eyes) and the group Pretty Poison (Catch Me Im Falling). He also has a comprehensive and varied working knowledge of record charts, artists and songs in Billboard Magazine and other catalogs. Milo has been described as a cross between Weird Al and William Hung."

Thoughts?

not tuned in, not turned on

Bad news.

Idol Chatter says last night's AI premiere "averaged 33.2 million viewers, its lowest opener since 2004 and down from 37.4 million last year, according to preliminary Nielsen figures."

Oops.

Is it too early in the season to assume "Idol" is on its way out?

and we're done

So the show just ended under the backdrop of Princess Leia's rant about conformity. And we got a preview of the Dallas auditions, which promise the most memorable audition yet. Involving aluminum foil, I guess.

It's exactly 10 p.m., and I'm amazed at how quickly tonight's show passed. Anyone else think this round of auditions seemed different than what we've seen before?

The judges seemed nicer, the bad singers were less painful and the filler footage was actually kind of bearable. Thoughts?

My vote for the best singer goes to Kristy, the cage-fighting, horse-riding gal. Of the batch, she seemed to have the best balance of back story and talent. I'm also cautiously optimistic about Brooke, the gal who ended the show.

And as for the best of the worst, it's a hands-down tie between Milo, the "No Sex Allowed" guy, and Paul, the stalker guy. They'll both be Internet sensations in no time. My No. 1 goal at work tomorrow will be to post the entire lyrics of their songs on this blog.

So what did you think? Thanks so much for all the comments I've already received. I'm going to try to give a best commenter award as frequently as possible, so keep the feedback coming.

Be sure to check this blog Wednesday morning for more news. Otherwise, I'll be back Wednesday night at 8 p.m. to blog live again during the Dallas auditions.

Keep singing!

a pure voice. literally.

9:54 We meet Brooke, a really hot nanny who's never seen an R-rated movie. Neither has her husband. Simon suggests her husband watches porn. Glad he said it first.

Anyway, Brooke sounds great and I think she's very hot. Get her in a Catholic schoolgirl uniform and I'll vote for her every week.

Simon says he'll bring her to the dark side. I'm jealous.

All three give her the thumbs up. Why doesn't she have any family supporting her?

Answer: They're all too busy watching R-rated movies.

han shot first

9:47 A bunch of rage.

9:48 We meet Christina, a Princess Leia wannabe. Seriously. She has the hair buns and a Star Wars belt. She says men love her. I think I know what kind. Anyway, I'm really glad I watched the Star Wars movies for the first time last spring. Who knew it would come in handy now?

She sings "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me," and it sounds bad. What a surprise.

The judges say no, and she keeps talking about the 30th anniversary Star Wars convention. It makes me think that the caped guy Ben looked like a wookie before he waxed.

Tirade ensues.

hair today, gone tomorrow

9:39 Cape guy, Ben, is back with a waxed chest. It actually looks kind of good. Too bad he still has a bra on.

He sings "Don't Cha," but is abruptly cut off. Kind of like the hair on his chest. Simon calls him a fat lump. True.

9:40 We meet Chris. He's very well-groomed and seems really cool, aside from the fact that he's singing an Uncle Kracker song. Luckily it sounds good. Paula is so turned on right now.

The three judges say yes and Simon adds that the chicks will like Chris. Ditto.

bewildered by beth

9:33 We meet Beth. She apparently recorded an album when she was 4. If you're wondering if this is against the rules, check out my article in Tuesday's Ledger-Enquirer. She sings "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered." I say it's pretty good.

Simon says no and believes she wouldn't stand out, Randy says yes, Paula says yes.

She's in!

caulk this

9:27 We meet Ben, who shows up in a cloak. I think I saw this guy at Nerdacon. He wants his costume to be a surprise.

WHOA! He's sporting sever chest hair, a bikini and a thong. He asks if he can wax his chest hair and come back. Judges say yes. Hold that thought.

9:29 Another montage of bad singers. Those gold pants on Shakita are hawt. A whole bunch of obscenities.

9:30 We meet Paul. Slicked back hair. He's singing a love song for Paula. It involves trying on her underwear. Seriously. The best part? "If she was a doggie, I would walk her. If she was a bathtub, I would caulk her." Hilarious.

save a horse...

9:19 We meet Kristy Lee Cook, who raises horses and trains for cage fighting. No, not THAT kind of cage fighting. She is pretty hot, though.

She had to sell a horse to get to Philadelphia for auditions, even though she's from Oregon. Maybe she tried out in San Diego and didn't make it. Whatever.

Kristy sings "Amazing Grace" and sounds pretty great. Simon likes her and says he reminds him of somebody from the '60s. Hopefully not Alexis. Eww.

The three judges say yes and everybody is thinking about hooking up with her. And other things involving cages and Jell-O.

no sex allowed

9:13 Did we really need this recap of the first hour? Yes? OK, never mind.

9:14 Is it bad that I'm a little flustered by all these people saying "I love you"?

9:15 We meet Alyse, who Seacrest says has Taylor Hicks' dance moves. Bad sign. She gets the no, and is strangely only wearing one earring.

9:16 Another montage of awful loud singers.

9:16 Guy in cheetah vest is overage but is allowed to sing because he says he's performing something called "No Sex Allowed." His name is Milo and he's 39. It's an original song. Chorus: "There's no sex allowed. I don't want to be part of your crowd." This screams YouTube sensation. I predict we'll see this guy at the season finale.

family affair

9:02 Montage. A bunch of people have family support. Aww. I suddenly feel really unloved. Thanks a lot, Seacrest.

9:03 We meet Angela. She got pregnant during her senior year of high school and now her daughter has something similar to cerebral palsy. And it all happened overnight. OK, I'm officially depressed now. But not too sad to laugh at her relative named Latrina. Hahaha. She has a huge family.

Back to being sad. What happened to destroying people's dreams and stuff? If I wanted this stuff, I'd watch "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition."

She's approaching the judges. Simon says she's cute. Apparently she has her own band that sings at weddings in Chicago. She better get the OK.

Here she goes. She sings "Signed, Sealed and Delivered." It's good, except for the little laugh thing she keeps doing between verses. Annoying, even if her kid is sick.

She gets the yes from all three judges.

Her family is happy enough to trample Ryan Seacrest with a group hug. There are way too many women involved for him to enjoy it.

In the end, Simon says it's amazing that people in this country are genuinely happy when things go well for people in their families.

Strangely, everyone in Angela's family has their pro-Angela shirts turned inside out on their way out. Looks like they don't care about her that much after all.

don't worry, be happy?

8:50 We meet Alexis. She says she marches to the beat of a different drummer. Thanks, Captain Obvious. She's covered in glitter, says she's the source of incense and a pirate. She says Bon Jovi sang "Allentown." Wrong.

She lives with her mom and has a bunch of cats. What's up with the animals this season?

Anyway, she promises to "knock the judges on their feet."

Alexis sings a really angry version of "Somebody to Love." She's like a ghost from the 70s. How much catnip do you think she smoked before the auditions? A lot.

She gets the no, and calls Simon a "big bad word." Simon calls her William DaFoe. Looks like we know who got the last laugh.

Wow, so much rage. Apparently, middle fingers intact, she says that she is going to "go for actressing." And now there's a butt shot. Mooning or something.

Nothing else to say. Peace, hope and love.

i love rocky road

8:45 We get a montage of really bad people singing "I Love Rock 'n Roll." Here's a little secret: Those montages aren't really filmed in front of the judges. They're just all clipped together to make it look like they're singing for the judges. And it's not like those people all coincidentally picked that song. The producers have one song that they ask everyone to learn so they can film montages like that.

At least that's what the insiders say.

You can thank me later.

udi booty

8:39 Did anyone else see that foot move in a weird direction? Or that killer set of abs?

8:39 We meet Mark, who can do a killer impression of a whistle, but botches his rendition of "White Christmas." Big no.

8:40 We meet Udi, who does finance work. He dances at work. He made his own MC Hammer song and pimp costume. Pimp meets Elvis, he says. I promise you can spank me if this guy is good. It's not gonna happen.

He claims people say he sounds like Barry Manilow or Frank Sinatra. He sings "My Way," and is horrible, but entertaining. He's like chanting or something.

Simon keeps calling him Ugi and says he sang the same note over and over.

Udi asks for constructive criticism, Simon says he should keep the batteries in his calculator.

He does make a pretty funny joke about "my way or the highway," though. Aww.

touchdown, or not

8:26 The usual montage of absolutely awful singers. Anyone else think the Asian guy with the white collared shirt and and red tie is hot?

8:27 Junot wows the judges, gets the ok

8:28 More singers get the OK, Jose and Jonathan. They're both really happy. I approve of all of them. This season looks promising.

8:29 We meet Temptress Brown, a 16-year-old female football player. You have my permission to call her The Refrigerator. This is not going to turn out well. Wow, here mom is obese and probably weighs 1 million pounds. Think "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" I'm scared. She could fit Simon and Paula in her armpit. Maybe not Randy, though.

Alright, audition time. She has 10 kittens. Simon says he likes animals. Hopefully that's not a metaphor for anything. I can't take it.

She sings "And I am Telling You," which she apparently thinks is by Jennifer Hudson.

Wow, she really is awful.

Simon calls her a sweetheart, and gives her the no. The judges agree, and she starts crying. Paula and Randy give her a hug. They're just trying to look small. (Thanks for the joke, Jeff.)

The judges walk her out, and Simon says something about wanting to talk about kittens. Way too much innuendo here for my own good.

Whew. The producers really are going for the back stories this season. And being a little nicer, too, yeah?

shorty got low

8:18 We meet James Lewis, a tour guide sporting a puke-colored leisure suit. He's bad. A super low voice singing "Go Down Moses." Imagine Darth Vader singing.

The judges laugh and he responds with the usual, "Would you like me to sing something else?"

But he vows to be back next year. With better songs.

another backup singer

8:16 We meet Melanie, who sang backup for Taylor Hicks. Probably not the best resume booster at this point. And didn't we get the backup singer story last season?

Paula likes her, Simon doesn't, Randy does. But I don't trust his judgment at this point. Is anyone else creeped out by the facial hair?

Anyway, she's in.

um, borat?

8:11 p.m. We meet Yuka, some guy who's from another country, maybe England. He loves the Bee Gees. They make him feel "so special, for me." Then he conveniently adds, "And I like American girls."

His friend calls him "sexy face." And he's saving himself. But he wants to love a girl from the hair to the nipple.

Five more minutes of this and I'm expecting Jenna Jameson to pop on the screen. Wow, I am way too uncomfortable.

Now he's hitting on Paula. Cool it, Yuka. You can do better. Luckily a discussion of them dancing together is quickly shut down.

Finally he starts singing -- "How Deep Is Your Love" -- and as predicted, he's awful.

Paula gives him a nice no while telling him she appreciates his knowledge of phonetics. Way to insult his heritage. Simon's surprisingly quiet on this one. Probably better that way.

a heavy start

8:04 p.m. We meet Joey Catalano, not to be confused with Jordan Catalano, Jared Leto's character from My So-Called Life. Apparently he lost 205 -- um, no, 204, he says -- pounds. Joey, not Jared. He sings "Sunday Morning" and actually sounds pretty good.

Simon's nervous about him standing in front of something that says "American Idol." As opposed to something that says "Weight Watchers"? What does he want?

Anyway, he gets the OK. Manorexia will do that to you. A lesson Ruben Studdard learned way too late. Or never.

Stay tuned.

here we go

OK, auditions are on.

We're in Philadelphia, home of Ben Franklin and after tonight, who knows what else?

Keep reading.

game day

The time is now.

OK, maybe not exactly right now, but you know what I mean. The seventh season of AI premieres tonight at 8 p.m. on Fox. It's the Philadelphia auditions.

As usual, I'll be blogging during the entire episode, so you can weigh in with your thoughts as much as you'd like. We can even commiserate during the 12,000 commercial breaks. Here are some more newspapers' AI preview stories:

Washington Post

Reuters

Boston Globe

Seattle Post-Intelligencer

And this LA Times article says advertisers have paid $1 million or more for a single commercial that would run close to the AI grand finale.

See you tonight!

reason no. 26

The 26th reason to get excited about AI, season 7:

It's almost here!

Make sure you check out my "Idol" primer in Tuesday's paper. It's a refresher course/basic primer for new viewers. Need an even greater AI fix? Check out seventh-season preview stories in these papers:

The Kansas City Star

San Jose Mercury News

The New York Times

The Charlotte Observer

Los Angeles Times

USA Today

bitter clay

Looks like SOMEBODY needs an extra back rub from Ruben Studdard.

Clay Aiken got a little angry during a recent interview with a Newsweek reporter. Newsweek's transcript of the interview starts off fine, but gets a little heated at about the halfway mark. Here's what went down:

**********

Reporter: How did you get into a fight with that lady on a plane?

Aiken: I'm not going to talk about it.

I was just curious because you've never talked about it.

I did talk about it.

What about the Kelly Ripa thing?

I'm not going to discuss it.

Did you think it was homophobic?

I'm not going to discuss it.

What do you want to talk about?

I think we're done.

Can we talk about something fun?

No, we're done. I thought NEWSWEEK would be more reputable. I'm surprised.

But I think people are curious about it.

It was a year ago. This is NEWSWEEK. It's not the National Enquirer. I'd hate to have a job where I had to be rude to people.

We're just having a conversation.

Change the subject! I'd never take a job where I had to do something that I didn't want to do.

What about all those Ford commercials on "American Idol"?

That wasn't a job.

It was part of your job.

It wasn't a Ford commercial. It was a music video. It was a completely different thing.

I'll change the subject. What do you do for fun?

I watch the news. I read news magazines, but I'm reconsidering that now.

Are you going to watch "Idol"?

I haven't watched since season four. I compare it to high-school football--if it weren't for high school, we wouldn't be successful, but I don't need to keep going to the football games.

**********

Read the full interview here. In case you were wondering, the interviewer was referring to an armrest dispute on an airplane. Get that story here. Also, click here to refresh your memory of the Clay Aiken/Kelly Ripa fight.

That said, what do you think of the interview? Was the reporter out of line, or was Clay just in a bad mood?

over it

Rocker Chris Daughtry is dishing out some pretty harsh criticism on the eve of the show's seventh-season premiere.

The show is in a "state of decline," he says in this Rolling Stone article.

Daughtry finished fourth, but has since gone on to significantly outsell his fifth-season counterparts. That season's winner and runner up -- Taylor Hicks and Katharine McPhee -- just lost their record contracts.

Daughtry's not the first contestant to speak out against the show. I remember Jennifer Hudson in particular saying some negative things about "Idol" around the time of her Oscar buzz last year.

How do you feel about former contestants criticizing the show? Is it OK, or should they just be grateful that "Idol" got them on the entertainment radar?

reason no. 25

The 25th reason to watch AI, season 7:

I have the same hat as this Miami auditioner.

he's still alive

Just in time for AI, season 7...we have a Sanjaya update. Thank God!

Sanjaya and his sister, Shyamali, are in negotiations to have own variety series on MTV. They plan to film a pilot in early spring, according to this article.

It also reports that he's rehearsing for a new album.

There you go, Crying Girl!

paula & the end zone

Get your mind out of the gutter.

I'm talking about the fact that Paula is "in talks" to perform at the Super Bowl, according to this article. It also reports that she's already in rehearsals for the music video for a duet with Randy Jackson.

Who do you think is a better singing partner -- Randy Jackson or MC Skat Kat?

reason no. 24

The 24th reason to get excited about AI, season 7:

How much do you want to bet the wristband that says "stupid" was the coolest part of this guy's day at the Charleston auditions?

simon says

A whole bunch of nuggets are popping up from Simon Cowell's Wednesday conference call.

Among them, Cowell has hinted he may be leaving the show when his contract ends in two years. Here's his quote from this article:

"The public eventually are gonna get sick to death of me. Nine years is probably enough to inflict on anyone. Can the show exist without me? Absolutely. It would probably get better."

Would you still watch AI without Simon? And if he leaves, who would you recommend as his replacement?

oh, paula

Just a day after I blogged about Paula Abdul's craziness...

Check out this TV Guide cover story about how this season is going to be the best EVER. Yada, yada, yada.

Anyway, the article doesn't really give any startling revelations, unless you count a story about the judges and Seacrest going clubbing together. But that's more of a nightmare than a revelation.

Still...this Paula quote alone has given me about six hours of amusement:

"I'm the nurturing mom who breast-feeds these kids; Simon's the disapproving dad. They come off the nipple and never say, 'Thank you.' They go, 'Daddy, please pat me on the back.'"

Paula. Nipple. Enough.

another one bites the dust

I guess bad things come in threes.

Katharine McPhee, AI's fifth-season runner-up, has been dropped from her record label, articles like this one confirm.

She joins AI alums Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard in getting the boot.

Think she'll focus entirely on acting/modeling now?

I think it's funny that both Taylor and Kat, season five's respective winner and runner-up, have been dropped when so many of their same-season counterparts are thriving. Kellie Pickler. Chris Daughtry. Elliot Yamin. OK, maybe that's all of them, but you get the picture.

That season more than any other now seems to illustrate how off the public's vote can be.

Looking back, what do you think happened?

reason no. 23

The 23rd reason to get excited about AI, season 7:

Paula, Paula, Paula.

Still not convinced Paula's crazy? Check out this article about her most recent meltdown in an airport. Bonus: It involves the phrase "'Poltergeist' voice."

reason no. 22

The 22nd reason to get excited about AI, season 7:

We might get to watch this Dallas auditioner cry.

no, no, no

Just in time for Thursday's premiere of "Celebrity Rehab," here's an article about Jessica Sierra's sentencing. She got a yearlong stint in rehab and three years of probation.

peace out, taylor

This article confirms Taylor Hicks no longer has a record deal with J Records, the Sony-BMG label that signs "American Idol" singers.

Ruben Studdard's upcoming album will also not be distributed by J Records, the article says.

Sad news!

reason no. 21

The 21st reason to get excited about AI, season 7:

You don't have to win to be famous.

OK, I know this is a pretty weak one, but I'm actually using it to segue to another issue on which I'd like your opinions. Just caught an interesting debate in the comments portion of Idol Chatter -- some people think the fact that so many runners-up have gone on to get recording contracts cheapens the show's value.

A few commenters, in fact, have suggested a rule that would allow only the first-place contestant to record. Period.

Would you support this?

philly and dallas on AI premiere

Philadelphia and Dallas will be the first audition cities featured on this season of AI, apparently.

I'm still trying to track down an official release from Fox, but sources like this one say Philadelphia will air Tuesday (8-10 p.m.) and Dallas will air Wednesday (8-10 p.m.).

The countdown begins!

a quasi-local AI finalist. maybe.

A former Huntsville, Ala., resident might be among AI's top 50 contestants this season, according to this blog.

Cardin Lee McKinney, 20, is a popular pick for online AI addicts who claim they have seventh-season spoilers.

Although there's no real evidence backing the claim, an Alabama finalist wouldn't be a surprise. The state has already given us champs like Ruben Studdard and Taylor Hicks. Um, "champs" is used lightly, given the previous item about them possibly being dropped from their labels.

At any rate, you can learn more about Cardin here.

reason no. 20

The 20th reason to get excited about AI, season 7:

This show is ensuring the future of "E! True Hollywood Story" for years to come.

(Not only is it rumored that Ruben got dropped from his label, some people are claiming that Taylor Hicks recently suffered the same fate as well. Read the full story here.)

reason no. 19

The 19th reason to get excited about AI, season 7:

The unbelievable power of Vote for the Worst.

(If you'd like to see what the site is up to in the pre-season, click here.)

reason no. 18

The 17th reason to get excited about AI, season 7:

Ryan Seacrest, apparently, is on the prowl.

This article's headline says Seacrest is ready to find that "special someone," a conclusion that's clearly evident in the quote the AI host offers:

"I think, in a way, my goal is to focus on a little bit more balance," Seacrest said. "I really haven't been out with anybody. ... This week I'll literally work seven days, and I'll get home at 10 p.m."

So maybe he's not still entertaining fantasies of the day I interviewed him in Atlanta after all. But hey...if the goal is simply to "be out," you know this guy is always available.

ready, set, go!

Fox has scheduled the first half of the upcoming season of AI, according to this article. Here are the highlights, in case you want to, um, mark your calendar or something:

Jan. 15 and 16: The season premiere -- auditions -- for two hours each night

Jan. 22, 23, 29, 30 and Feb 5 and 6: One-hour audition episodes

Feb. 12: Hollywood Round, part one. Two-hour episode

Feb. 13: Hollywood Round, part two. One-hour, top 24 revealed

Feb. 19: Top 12 males perform, two-hour episode

Feb. 20: Top 12 females perform, two-hour episode

Feb. 21: Elimination of two men, two women

Feb. 26: Top 10 males perform, 90-minute episode

Feb. 27: Top 10 females perform, 90-minute episode

Feb. 28: Elimination of two men, two women

March 4: Top 8 males perform, one-hour episode

March 5: Top 8 females perform, one-hour episode

March 6: Elimination of two men, two women and reveal of the season's top 12

March 11: First performance by the top 12, two-hour episode

March 12: First single elimination

Don't read this schedule too many times. It makes us a little more aware of the fact that this show is like a half-year commitment.